The Real Mom Tribe: Why Finding Your People Matters More Than Perfection 

Motherhood is beautiful and messy, joyful and chaotic, humbling and daunting. It can also be lonely. If you’re new to the journey and haven’t found your “mama tribe” yet, don’t worry. It takes time to find mom friends, but when you do it’s worth it.

On The Balanced Blonde Soul on Fire, host Jordan Younger sits down with her closest mom friend, skincare guru and wellness influencer Celeste Thomas, to talk about all things motherhood. Thomas, six weeks postpartum with her second child at the time of their recording, brings fresh joy and wisdom.

Younger describes their special “motherhood friendship,” as mature and soul-nourishing. In Younger’s own words, Thomas exudes “loyalty, consistency, honesty, realness” and is “humble, down-to-earth, genuine.”

The pair hold nothing back discussing the juggling act of parenting, the transition from one to two kids, and the importance of friendship in motherhood. Thomas says, “We are going to spill it. We are in our open, honest, give no F’s, where we are just going to spill it.”

The Transition From 1 to 2 Kids

Younger and Thomas both have two kids with the same age gap. “We got to do the newborn, stroller walks together. We got to do pregnancies together twice. Now, our toddlers are running around together.”

From kids’ doctors appointments to dentist visits, motherhood can feel overwhelming. Younger has been in the “mom of two” phase for eight months, while Thomas is fresh into her journey. Her advice to moms juggling it all: “Try to leave your calendar blank for a week. See what happens. Cut everything. See if you can really cut down on all the things you are doing and just exist in parenting and in your family. See what magic comes up.”

One struggle of motherhood is the pressure to do—and excel at—everything. Thomas agrees that there is a lot of societal pressure on moms. “In modern society, women can have it all, but we also have these expectations to have a Pinterest-worthy home, an incredible wardrobe, and to look stunningly beautiful all the time. It is so unrealistic. We are setting ourselves up for failure. We want to be the best wife and home-cooked, farm-to-table food on the table. We want our children to be pristine.”

The pressures are real and coming from all sides, but much of it is self-induced: “A lot of this is me wanting this perfect, unrealistic life. So I have to ask myself: What do I really care about?”

Finding Like-Minded Mamas

Friendship during motherhood is vital, but  finding your mom tribe takes time. You shouldn’t feel pressure to be friends with someone simply because your children are the same age, especially if your kids do not connect. 

Younger was once in a mom group that didn’t quite fit, which Thomas describes as the Beverly Hills mom group with people wearing everything designer to the playdate. Younger laughs and says, “Yes, people refused to make eye contact. Then, they would race to their cars at the end. They were definitely not there to make friends.”

“If you are expecting or if you have a baby, make it a point to hang out with other moms. I know that some of the mom groups are not going to yield the results that you want,” Younger says.

Thomas agrees about the importance of finding your mom tribe: “If something does not resonate, on to the next. You will find moms who you resonate with.”

She shares what a light that Younger has been in her life, especially in motherhood. She emphasizes the value of finding your mom tribe. “There is a dichotomy of motherhood, where it’s really freaking hard but it’s really beautiful. I encourage any mom out there who is struggling, find a mom who can real talk with you but who is going to be positive. You find the beauty in it.”

How to Make Friends as Mom

One tip: Try out a mom group for women with shared interests or backgrounds. Thomas also encourages women to utilize social media. “It’s harder to make new friends as a mom in your 30s because you are so far out of college. If there is a mom podcast you love, maybe they have an event you can go to. If there are other content creators who are moms, reach out to them.”

As a mom, you have limited time and capacity to have friends. It’s important to ask yourself: What is important? What is fulfilling? 

Thomas reassures that quality trumps quantity. “I have two. As a mother of two, I do not have the bandwidth or the time to have a lot of friends. It needs to be super soul-fueling and convenient. Find people who lift you up and live close enough that it’s not a nightmare to get to.”