The Surprising Way That Gabby Bernstein Conquered Anxiety

You know those people who conquer anxiety by throwing affirmations at it like they’re in a spiritual dodgeball game? Well, Gabby Bernstein just flipped the script. In a recent episode of Dear Gabby, she revealed an unexpected truth: Anxiety isn’t the enemy—it’s actually trying to protect us.

Yes, that jittery feeling that crashes your chill and hijacks your focus is actually your brain’s way of keeping you safe. As Gabby puts it: “Anxiety is a first responder to fear. It’s like an overenthusiastic watchdog, always on alert for danger—even when there isn’t any.”

Why Anxiety Is Your Unlikely BFF

Gabby got real about her own struggles, revealing, “I lived with an undiagnosed anxiety disorder for most of my life, stemming from childhood trauma.” Anxiety became her constant companion—but not in a comforting way, but more like a pushy friend who thinks they’re helping by texting you 47 times to remind you not to forget your passport.

Through therapy, self-help practices, and medication, Gabby discovered something profound: “Anxiety was protecting me from deeper feelings of terror, inadequacy, and unworthiness.” In other words, the anxiety wasn’t the core problem. It was the smoke alarm going off, warning her about the emotional fire underneath.

The “Four-Step Check-In” That Changes Everything

Gabby’s game-changing method for dealing with anxiety? Stop fighting it and start checking in with it. Here’s her four-step process, as laid out in her book Self Help:

• Choose to check in: When you feel anxiety creeping in, resist the urge to numb out with TikTok, margaritas, or whatever your avoidance flavor of choice is. Instead, pause and acknowledge the feeling. As Gabby says, “The first step is to choose to check-in with the sensations, thoughts, or beliefs rather than check out.”
• Get curious: Anxiety loves to scream, but it’s surprisingly cooperative if you treat it like a chatty toddler instead of a monster. Gabby advises asking yourself: “What am I feeling? What’s happening in my body? What thoughts are swirling around?”
• Compassionately connect: This is where you get all soft and motherly with yourself. Gabby suggests asking your anxious part, “What do you need right now?” Sometimes, it’s rest. Sometimes, it’s reassurance. Sometimes, it’s just to be acknowledged instead of ignored.
• Notice the shift: After checking in, you’ll often feel a subtle but meaningful shift—a little more calm, clarity, and connection. As Gabby says, “The anxious part of us feels safer when it knows self is there, like an inner parent stepping in to say, ‘I got you.’”

Practical Tools You Can Steal From Gabby

Feeling skeptical? Fair. But Gabby swears by these simple techniques, and frankly, they’re easier than trying to meditate when your brain’s doing parkour.

• The Huberman breath: Gabby borrowed this gem from neuroscientist Andrew Huberman. Breathe in twice through your nose (quick sniffs) and out once through your mouth. It’s like hitting the brakes on your nervous system.
• Hand-on-heart grounding: When anxiety spikes, place your hand on your heart, breathe deeply, and say, “I’m here for you.” It sounds woo-woo, but your nervous system loves a little TLC.
• Prayer as a lifeline: When everything feels like too much, Gabby turns to a simple prayer: “I need help.” As she puts it, “Anytime you’ve thought, ‘I can’t go on like this,’ that’s a prayer.”
• Hormone check: If your anxiety feels like it’s on steroids, Gabby suggests checking in with your hormones. “Menopause, perimenopause, postpartum—they can all wreak havoc,” she warns. Low progesterone, in particular, can turn your anxiety up to eleven.

Why This Approach Works

By treating anxiety like a protective part of ourselves—not a defect—we shift from battling it to understanding it.  “You can’t force anxiety to go away. But you can build a relationship with it, and that’s where the relief comes in,” Gabby explained.

The takeaway? Anxiety doesn’t have to run the show. It’s just a scared little part of you, waving its arms and yelling, “Watch out!” Next time it appears, don’t roll your eyes or reach for the wine. Try Gabby’s check-in method, breathe through it, and see what your anxiety’s really trying to tell you.

“The way out is to go in,” Gabby says.