Are Intimacy Coordinators Going out of Style?

The use of intimacy coordinators became a hot topic when the #MeToo movement began in 2017. As Hollywood confronted its systemic issues with sexual harassment, it stands to reason that people would be extra interested in the professionals whose job it is to make sure sex scenes are safe and comfortable on set. But on The Toast, Jackie and Claudia Oshry took note of a recent quote from Gwyneth Paltrow suggesting a potential shift in attitude about the role of intimacy coordinators on set.

In a recent Vanity Fair interview about her upcoming film Marty Supreme, Paltrow revealed that she and co-star Timothée Chalamet “have a lot of sex in this movie” and asked their intimacy coordinator to “step a little bit back.” The actress explained: “I don’t know how it is for kids who are starting out but … if someone is like, ‘Okay, and then he’s going to put his hand here,’ I would feel, as an artist, very stifled by that.”

Jax and Clauds’ Take

On The Toast, the hosts discussed Paltrow’s perspective. “She definitely represents a time in Hollywood where this wasn’t a thing,” notes Claudia. “Intimacy coordinators are good for, like young starters in Hollywood, but what Gwyneth is saying, ‘Not me, I’ve been around the block 100 times.’” 

In fact, Paltrow said that she told the intimacy coordinator, “‘Girl, I’m from the era where you get naked, you get in bed, the camera’s on.’”

Jackie thinks that the need for an intimacy coordinator depends on the actors involved: “It’s actually more awkward to have someone there, especially because she’s so much more seasoned and older than him.”

“What power dynamic is at play?” asks Claudia. “He’s this young hot heartthrob, she’s this like seasoned veteran Hollywood actress.”

Other actors who’ve nixed intimacy coordinators

Paltrow isn’t alone in this sentiment. Anora star and Oscar winner Mikey Madison made headlines when she revealed that she and co-star Mark Eydelshteyn, who plays her love interest Ivan, opted not to use an intimacy coordinator. “[We] decided it would be best to just keep it small,” she said in a conversation with Pamela Anderson for Variety. “My character is a sex worker, and I had seen Sean [Baker]’s films and know his dedication to authenticity. I was ready for it. As an actress, I approached it as a job.”

Do intimacy coordinators really make a difference?

After Blake Lively allegedly told Justin Baldoni she felt unsafe on the set of It Ends With Us, she requested “a full-time intimacy coordinator to be with her on the set at all times, not just during intimate scenes.” Despite the addition of the intimacy coordinator, drama festered between Lively and Baldoni, culminating in a lawsuit that kept us all in a chokehold in 2024.

Other actors have spoken glowingly about their intimacy coordinators and how important it was for them to feel safe on set. Emma Stone, who won an Oscar for her performance in Poor Things, said that having intimacy coordinator Elle McAlpine with her during the film’s many graphic sex scenes “felt like having both a safety net and a choreographer and a handhold” in an interview with NPR, adding, “I don’t think having an intimacy coordinator is even a choice anymore.”

Kate Winslet told The New York Times, “I would have benefited from an intimacy coordinator every single time I had to do a love scene or be partially naked or even a kissing scene. It would have been nice to have had someone in my corner, because I always had to stand up for myself.”

Ellen Pompeo summed up the pros and cons in a conversation with former Grey’s Anatomy co-star Katherine Heigl for Variety: “There’s a very exploitive nature to what we do. Intimacy coordinators create a whole other slew of problems, but the intention behind it is good.”

Reading between the lines here, it seems like having the option of an intimacy coordinator is always a good idea. Maybe every actor won’t go for it, but better safe than sorry!

For more pop culture coverage and hot takes, listen to The Toast.