How to Reclaim Valentine’s Day, According to Caroline Stanbury

Ah, Valentine’s Day. The one day of the year when florists make a killing, restaurants are booked solid with couples trying desperately to out-romance each other, and single people are either pretending not to care or drowning their sorrows in a tub of overpriced ice cream. But what if everything we’ve been told about Valentine’s Day is missing the point? What if, as Uncut & Uncensored host Caroline Stanbury suggests, we’ve been thinking about love all wrong? 

How to Reclaim Valentine’s Day, According to Caroline Stanbury

The History of Valentine’s Day

Believe it or not, Valentine’s Day started as anything but the Hallmark holiday we know today. Its origins trace back to ancient Rome, where mid-February was all about Lupercalia, a fertility festival that, let’s just say, involved a lot of rituals—some of which are definitely not legal today. Eventually, the Catholic Church got involved and, like it does with most pagan festivals, rebranded it into a celebration of St. Valentine.

Who was St. Valentine? The better question is, which St. Valentine do we honor on this holiday—because there were multiple men named Valentine who the Catholic Church martyred. The most popular legend involves a priest who secretly married couples against the orders of Emperor Claudius II, which led to his execution. Over the centuries, his story got mixed up with the concept of courtly love, and by the time Chaucer and Shakespeare got their hands on it, Valentine’s Day became synonymous with romance. Fast forward to today, and we’ve got an entire industry built around making even the most self-assured among us question our relationship status.

Caroline Stanbury’s Take

On the latest episode of Uncut & Uncensored, Caroline Stanbury sat on her balcony and dismantled the entire premise of the holiday. “It’s that time of year that I feel that the world sort of shoves it down your face that you’re alone,” she says. And she’s not wrong.

But here’s where Caroline flips the script. Instead of seeing Valentine’s Day as a sad reminder of what (or who) you don’t have, why not reclaim it? “You could celebrate all your relationships,” she says. “You could celebrate with your girlfriends. You could celebrate with your kids because you love your kids. You could be celebrating now, just yourself.” Yes, ladies. SELF-LOVE.

And before anyone dismisses her, Caroline knows she will get a rose from Sergio. But does she need it? Nope. “Why is my entire self-worth pinned on whether I get a fucking rose?” she quips, pointing out that roses are available at any gas station. Preach.

The real takeaway here? Romantic love is great, but it’s not the only love that matters. And quite frankly, if you’re sitting around waiting for someone else to make you feel special, you’re doing life wrong.

How to Love Yourself More This Valentine’s Day

So, if we’re ditching the idea that February 14 is just for couples, how should we be celebrating? Caroline has some ideas, and, as usual, they’re all about taking control of your own happiness.

Become Your Own Best Friend

Caroline suggests that instead of waiting for someone else to celebrate you, take matters into your own hands. “Book a massage. Go for a nice walk. Book a dinner for yourself.” Think of the things that bring you joy and actually do them. Would you let your best friend sit at home and mope? No? Then don’t do it to yourself.

Celebrate Your Other Loves

“I have amazing friends. Fantastic. Let’s get 10 of my girlfriends and have a nice dinner together and celebrate each other,” Caroline says. Love doesn’t have to be romantic to be meaningful. Plan a night out with your girls, send a cute note to your mom, or shower your dog with extra belly rubs. Love is love.

Reflect on Who Deserves Your Energy

One of the most powerful messages from Caroline’s podcast? The idea that Valentine’s Day can be a great time to reassess who you’re giving your energy to. “Take a good look at who you’re surrounded by,” she says. Friendships, relationships, family dynamics—are they serving you? If not, maybe it’s time to make some changes. “If it’s constantly difficult and you’re not getting anything back, then think about it.”

Make a Change If You Need To

Caroline Stanbury doesn’t sugarcoat things, and her message is clear: If you’re miserable, do something about it. “Valentine’s Day can be a catalyst of many things. If you’re in a relationship you don’t like, Valentine’s Day is painful. So painful,” she points out. Instead of wallowing, see it as a wake-up call. You are one decision away from a completely different life.

Love Should Be Freedom, Not Obligation

Whether it’s a friendship, a romantic relationship, or even your career, love should feel freeing, not like a weight dragging you down. “Love should be freedom. Not someone that’s holding on to you,” she says. If you’re feeling trapped, it’s time to reevaluate.

You Get to Define What Love Means

Valentine’s Day isn’t going anywhere. But that doesn’t mean we have to buy into the pressure, the expectations, or the overpriced prix-fixe menus. Love is so much bigger than chocolates and candlelit dinners. It’s about the people who make you laugh, the things that bring you joy, and—most importantly—your relationship with yourself.

So whether you spend February 14 with your best friends, your kids, your dog, or just an extra-large pizza (honestly, a solid choice—just don’t put pineapple on it because pineapple does not go on pizza), remember this: You don’t need a partner to feel loved. You just need to decide that you’re already worthy of it.

And as Caroline Stanbury would say—stop waiting. Go book that massage.