Not Every Woman is Your Enemy or Your Competition: The Power of Female Friendships

For far too long, women have been pitted against each other. The narrative was clear in movies, TV shows, and even real-life social dynamics: Women were rivals competing for limited spots—whether for a man, a job, or a seat at the table. This mindset, deeply rooted in the Boomer era, painted success as a zero-sum game where one woman’s win meant another’s loss.

This toxic narrative carried well into the ‘80s, but something magical happened in the ‘90s: media started shifting. We saw Monica and Rachel leaning on each other in Friends. We saw Sex and the City redefine female companionship in a world obsessed with men. We saw Clueless, where Cher, Dionne, and Tai taught us that the best relationships weren’t with boys but with the women who had your back through every fashion crisis, breakup, and existential dilemma.

Finally, female friendship started getting the screen time—and the respect—it deserved. And thank God, because our friendships are one of the greatest sources of joy and power in our lives.

This sentiment was echoed beautifully in a recent episode of the Transform podcast, hosted by Sami Spalter and Sami Clarke, with special guest Nikki Reed. The conversation was full of wisdom, laughter, and heartfelt moments, reminding us just how crucial it is to have strong women in our corner.

Women as Allies, Not Competition

One of the most refreshing takeaways from Nikki’s interview was how deeply she values the women in her life. “I feel really fortunate to be surrounded by some really cool, really amazing, really smart, really fierce women,” she said. “And we all really support one another. We share resources. We share parts of our business.”

This isn’t the cutthroat, scarcity-mindset version of female friendship that many of us were conditioned to expect. This is what it looks like when women refuse to see each other as competition and lift each other up instead.

It’s choosing to celebrate another woman’s success instead of feeling threatened, sharing opportunities instead of hoarding them, and recognizing that when one of us wins, we all win.

As Nikki emphasized, “Women don’t have to compete with one another for business or in social life or in anything else. We are here on this planet to actually uplift and support one another in every endeavor. Period. End of story.”

Why Female Friendships Make Us Better

Having strong female friendships isn’t just good for your social life—it’s good for your soul. The women in your life can be your greatest teachers, your most unwavering support system, and your mirrors, reflecting back the best (and sometimes hardest) parts of yourself.

“They’re like little mirrors,” Nikki said, referring to how her children have shown her things about herself. “They will show you things about yourself, not from a place of judgment, but just from a place of being a mirror.”

Friendships do the same thing. The women in your life will call you out when you’re settling, encourage you when you’re doubting yourself, and remind you who you are when you forget. That’s not something to be afraid of—it’s something to cherish.

How to Be a Better Friend

Strong friendships don’t happen by accident. Like any relationship, they require intention, effort, and a whole lot of love. If you want to cultivate deeper connections with the women around you, here are some ways to start:

1. Show Up

The number one thing people want in a friend? Someone who shows up. Not just for the big moments, but for the little ones, too. “What people really want at the end of the day is for people to show up for them,” Nikki said. “They want to be seen. They want to be loved.”

Check in. Send that text. Celebrate their wins. Mourn their losses. Make time. It matters.

2. Drop the Competition Mindset

Another woman’s success is not your failure. When a friend gets engaged, lands a dream job, or accomplishes something major, let that be proof of what’s possible—not a reason to spiral into self-doubt. Celebrate your female friendships loudly and genuinely. There’s enough success, love, and happiness to go around.

3. Practice Generosity

Friendships thrive on reciprocity. Be the friend who listens as much as she talks, who gives as much as she receives. Ask yourself: How can I support my friends today? Those small acts of love add up, whether it’s a pep talk, an introduction, or just sending them a funny meme when they need it.

4. Be Honest and Real

Real female friendships aren’t built on pleasantries and surface-level conversations. Be willing to have the hard talks. Be vulnerable. Let people see the real you, even the messy parts. The best friendships are the ones where you can show up exactly as you are and still feel completely loved.

5. Protect Your Peace (and Theirs)

Not all friendships are meant to last forever—and that’s okay. If a friendship drains you more than it fills you, it might be time to reevaluate. True friendship should feel safe, supportive, and energizing. Surround yourself with women who uplift you, not those who bring you down.

At the end of the day, the best thing we can do for each other as women is to be there—to cheer each other on, share our wisdom, and remind each other that we are not alone in this crazy, beautiful life.

So, if you haven’t already, text one of your girlfriends today. Tell her you love her. Tell her you appreciate her. And most importantly, remind her—and yourself—that we are not each other’s competition. We are each other’s greatest allies.

And that? That is the kind of energy that changes everything.