Gaslighters, Liars, Cheaters, and Narcissists: How to Spot a Toxic Partner

Dating these days is a wasteland of emotionally unavailable people who want all the perks of a relationship without the responsibility of actually treating their partners with respect. The modern dating pool? More like a shallow puddle full of gaslighters, liars, cheaters, and narcissists. Unless you want to waste your prime years untangling a relationship that should have been burned to the ground months ago, learn how to spot these red flags before they waste your time.

Thankfully, Kristin Cavallari and Lindsey Metselaar are here to help us. They’ve been through it, and they are not here to sugarcoat reality. Consider this your official guide to recognizing and blocking these emotional leeches before they even consider sliding into your DMs.

Gaslighters: The Mind Game Masters

Gaslighters aren’t just bad partners—they’re actual villains. Their favorite pastime? Convincing you that your thoughts and feelings are wrong.

They love to:

• Deny reality. Caught them in a lie? They’ll swear up and down that it didn’t happen, claim you’re “misremembering” things, or say “you’re being dramatic.”
• Invalidate feelings. You bring up a valid concern, and suddenly you’re “too sensitive” or “needy.”
• Twist the truth. They were flirting with their ex? It’s always “just a joke.”

“A man who makes you doubt your own instincts? Run. A healthy relationship is where you feel safe, not confused,” Cavallari advises. “If you have to screenshot something just to prove to yourself that you’re not losing your mind, that’s a sign. Trust what you see, not what he tells you to see,” Metselaar adds.

How to outsmart a gaslighter:

• Trust your gut. If something feels off, it is off. You are not imagining things—you are perceptive.
• Write things down. If you feel like you’re constantly being fed different versions of the truth, document it. Gaslighters thrive on making you doubt your memory.
• Hold your ground. If you know what you saw or heard, don’t back down. The minute you let them rewrite reality, they have power over you.
• Walk away. Gaslighters do not change. They just find new ways to manipulate.

Liars: When Truth Is Optional

Liars are exhausting. They lie when they don’t need to as if honesty would physically cause them pain.”If a man lies about the little things, he’ll lie about the big things. And if he’s lying about other women? You’re not the only one he’s lying to,” Cavallari puts it bluntly.

Common lies:

• “I’m not on dating apps.” (He is. Your friend saw them swiping last night.)
• “I’ve never been in a serious relationship.” (Oh, really? Because their ex just posted a #TBT of them on vacation.)
• “We’re just friends.” (Who sends heart emojis at 2 a.m.?)
• “We don’t talk anymore.” (While sharing a Netflix account.)

As Metselaar reminds us: “A man who lies to protect himself will never protect you.”

How to spot a liar:

• Watch for inconsistencies. If the stories keep changing, they’re lying.
• Ask yourself: Do I need to investigate? If you constantly feel like you need proof, trust is already broken.
• Call it out. Honest people own up. A liar will get defensive.
• Don’t give second chances. Repeat offenders aren’t making mistakes—they see lying as a strategy.

Cheaters: When Monogamy is Just a Suggestion

Cheaters come in many forms, but the result is always the same: heartbreak and self-doubt. “A man who cheats once will cheat again. It’s not your job to fix him. It’s your job to leave,” Cavallari says. 

• The Serial Cheater: Has cheated in every relationship. You will not be the exception.
• The Situational Cheater: “It didn’t mean anything,” “I was drunk,” “It just happened.” All garbage.
• The Emotional Cheater: Never did anything physical, but that “friend” they text? They’re the backup plan.

“You are not his mother. You are not his therapist. And you are certainly not his probation officer. If he cheats, let another woman deal with his nonsense,” Metseelaar advises.

How to avoid getting played:

• Past predicts future. Don’t believe the “I’ve changed” speech.
• Listen carefully. If they call monogamy “old-fashioned,” believe them.
• Don’t argue. Just leave. Remember the rule of 3 A’s: Abuse, Addiction, and Adultery are immediate dealbreakers in any relationship. 

Narcissists: The Main Characters Who Think You’re Just a Sidekick

A narcissist doesn’t just want to date you—they want to control you. Being in the grip of narcissists is the worst feeling in the world.

“If every one of his exes is ‘crazy,’ congratulations. You’re next,” Meteselaar says.

Watch for:

• The Love-Bomber: Showers you with attention to create dependency.
• The Manipulator: Creates chaos, then blames you.
• The Ultimate Gaslighter: They will convince you you’re lucky to have them while making you feel like you’re never good enough.

“A narcissist will make you feel like the most special girl in the world—until you’re not. And when you’re not? You’ll wonder what you did wrong,” Cavallari explains. 

How to escape the grip of a narcissist:

• Look at their past. We all have that one “crazy ex.” But if every ex was “toxic,” guess who the common denominator is? That’s right: the narcissists.
• Don’t engage in their drama. They thrive on the game of chaos. The only way to win the game is not to play.
• Recognize the pattern early. If you feel like you have to earn their love, remember the wisdom of Admiral Ackbar in Star Wars: “It’s a trap!”
• Run, don’t walk. You will never “win” the “love” of a narcissist because narcissists only love themselves. (I mean, it’s right there in the name…) At best, you will be an accessory to their delusions of grandeur. And, really, babies, you deserve so much more than to be the equivalent of last season’s shoes, especially for someone who isn’t worth it. 

Final Thoughts 

If you are confused, anxious, or constantly seeking proof that your partner is treating you right, they’re not the right person. Dating should be fun.

Most importantly, the right person won’t make you question your reality. They will make you feel safe, respected, and valued.

So block the gaslighter, leave the liar on read, dump the cheater, and ghost the narcissists. They are not your problem. You deserve better.