Depending on who you ask, dating can be a total blast or a complete nightmare. But, no matter how you feel about it, boundaries are absolutely necessary. No, really. They’re so important, we wear a reminder across our chests!
Boundaries are a key ingredient to healthy relationships. There are tons of benefits to setting boundaries early on when it comes to dating, so we’re here to take the guesswork out of the equation. Not sure how to set boundaries in dating? We got you!! Let’s get into it:
How to Set Boundaries in Dating
Identify your needs first.
“Firm Boundaries Create a Soft Life,” just ask Ken Eurich of Dumber Blonde. But, before you can live your best life via setting boundaries, you gotta know WTH you need to be happy and feel safe and respected in romantic relationships. Think about what would make you uncomfortable or what would cause a problem in your relationship, then create potential boundaries based on those.
Identifying your needs first is a great way to go into the conversation more confidently and prepared, and it ensures you can communicate your needs clearly (more on that in a bit).
Start early.
Set yourself, and your potential relationship, up for success by introducing boundaries early on. The longer you wait to set boundaries in relationships, the harder they are for both of you to get used to and stick to. Set some ground rules from the get-go, or at least as early as possible, so that you can integrate them into your relationship as you form habits and get used to each other.
If you’re already in an established relationship, don’t worry, it’s never too late to set boundaries. For some great advice on setting boundaries, no matter where you are in the dating game, check out the episode of Being Her, Finally Set Boundaries And Amplify Your Feminine Energy and You’re Not Crazy for Expecting Respect: Setting Boundaries, Knowing When Enough is Enough and Knowing What You Want from Trying Not to Care.
Communicate clearly & use “I” phrases.
This is the kind of conversation that shouldn’t leave any questions unanswered. But, to make sure all your bases are covered, you have to communicate clearly and productively. So, what does that look like?
Well, for one, it’s best to use “I” phrases, otherwise your sentiments might come off as accusatory and leave your partner feeling attacked. The point of this conversation is to prevent issues from popping up down the road, not to cause them to begin with.
Also, be as specific as possible as you explain your thoughts, feelings, and reasons for setting the boundaries in the first place. And, finally, acknowledge that this conversation goes both ways. Give the other person a chance to share their own thoughts, feelings, and needs. For more tips on communicating your needs when setting boundaries, check out the episode of Balanced Black Girl called How to Set Healthy Boundaries.
Respect your partner’s boundaries.
In a healthy relationship, respect for boundaries goes both ways. This means if you want your partner to respect your needs and wants, it’s important that you also acknowledge and respect theirs. If it’s something that doesn’t come naturally to you, or that requires a lot of effort, showing respect for their boundaries through your words and actions goes a long way.
Examples of Boundaries in Dating
- Respect each other’s hobbies and interests
- No sexting until you meet in person
- Be mindful of public displays of affection
- Respect each other’s need for alone time
- No snooping around on each other’s phones
- Maintain honest and open communication
- Never invalidate the other person’s feelings
- Keep finances separate
- Agree on who pays for what ahead of time
- Respect each other’s work commitments
- Value the other person’s beliefs
- Handle disagreements in a predetermined way
- No posting each other on socials for a period of time
- Understand each of you will do things solo or with friends
- Respect when each of you is comfortable doing family introductions
Setting boundaries in dating is important for maintaining healthy relationships.
We would love to hear about your experiences with setting boundaries in dating. Share your thoughts in the comments below!
You can find more fantastic tips and practical advice in our posts on setting boundaries with family and how to set boundaries with a narcissist.
For more super helpful tips on dating, healthy relationships, and everything you need to live your best life, head over to the blog!