There is a lot to celebrate about being in a relationship, including how good your partner can make you feel. As your relationship progresses, you’ll get to know your partner and understand what makes them tick. However, it’s super important to recognize any potentially problematic behaviors. We’re not here to scare you, but as you might’ve noticed from other posts, like the one on how to set boundaries with a narcissist, we emphasize the importance of healthy relationships. So, today we’re shining a light on love bombing and giving you all the deets on how to stop it. Let’s dive in!
Practical Strategies: How to Stop Love Bombing
Listen, we all want to feel like we’re totally irresistible (more on that in this episode of Trying Not to Care), but within reason, right? You should be showered with love and gifts because your partner genuinely cares about you, not because they are trying to control you!
Our goal in writing this post is to provide you with information that will make it easier to spot love bombing and recognize when your partner is guilty of this type of calculated behavior. Because you deserve nothing less than the best, even when navigating the world of dating.
What Is Love Bombing?
Love bombing is a type of manipulative behavior, i.e. a strategy or technique, wherein your partner uses overwhelming affection as a way to gain control over you. Think of this form of manipulation as someone practically suffocating you with over-the-top gestures that don’t quite match up with the rest of your relationship. For more info on what love bombing is and what to expect from a love bomber, check out Love Bombing & Lawsuits from Scheananigans and Real Love vs Love Bombing from Uncut and Uncensored.
Knowing the signs is the first step in recognizing that you are being love-bombed.
What Are The Signs Of Love Bombing?
- Excessive flattery
- Over-the-top gift-giving
- Exaggerated declarations of love
- Constant texts and phone calls
- Pressure to commit, often way too early in the relationship
- Inappropriate emotional neediness
- Rejecting or resisting boundaries
How To Avoid Love Bombing
Stay away from narcissists.
Easier said, than done, right? But really, if at all possible, stay the hell away from narcissists. Not sure what a narcissist looks like? Check out our post on the signs of a narcissist. Steering clear of narcissists will dramatically reduce your chance of hooking up with a potential love bomber. After all, they’re the folks who might look like tens on the outside, but they’re total zeros once you get to know them.
Verify your suspicions.
If you’re not entirely sure you’re the victim of love bombing, go ahead and put your partner to the test. See how they respond when you reject a gift or any attempts at affection. This will clue you into whether they just got a little over-excited, or if they really are acting maliciously. If they can’t accept rejection or try to push you to accept it despite your protests, *ding ding ding* you’re probably dealing with a love bomber.
Make a mental checklist.
It’s easy to judge someone by their actions in the moment, but if you’ve been dealing with a potential love bomber for some time now, make a mental checklist of any time they went too far with their words or actions. This will also allow you to reflect on your time with the person to determine whether or not the relationship is a healthy one.
Set & maintain clear boundaries.
A fantastic way to avoid love bombing from the get-go is to set clear boundaries from the very beginning. We shared a bunch of fantastic tips on how to set boundaries in dating just for this purpose!
Take it slow.
One of the signature characteristics of love bombing is moving reealllyyy fast in a relationship. We’re talking like “I love you so much” on day three-kinda fast. You know the type. So, to avoid this, make it clear from the start, through your words and actions, that you want to take it slow. Don’t rush into an exclusive relationship or make long-term plans right away. Take it easy, go slow, and have fun with it!
Communicate assertively.
There are tons of ways to ruin a relationship (just listen to the episode of Being Her, 8 Mistakes Women Make That Ruin Their Relationships) but communicating clearly and assertively is one way to help your relationship succeed. This includes sharing your expectations and concerns in an open conversation with your potential partner and continuing to communicate with them as your relationship progresses.
Stand up for yourself.
If someone does or says something that makes you uncomfortable, SAY IT. Don’t give in to try to appease them or make them happy, and don’t just ignore their actions and hope things will resolve themselves. Stand up for yourself!!!
Set consequences.
Along with standing up for yourself, it’s important to set consequences for inappropriate or unacceptable actions. If you don’t, you can be assured the love bombing or negative behaviors will continue despite the boundary!
Consider the future of your relationship.
Even if there is no extreme love bombing going on, ask yourself how you would feel if it continued long term. Do you see both their actions and the relationship lasting? Is their affection and gift-giving sustainable? Do you see them prioritizing giant gestures when other aspects of your relationship are starving for attention? And finally, is this the kind of relationship you want for yourself in the long term? The answers to these questions will give you a good idea of whether you should run for the hills or stick it out in good faith.
Talk to someone (else) you trust.
Whether it’s your best friend, a family member, or a therapist, talking to someone with an outside perspective can be exactly what you need to ease your concerns. Talking to someone else can help you determine what you want and need in a relationship, and which parts of a current or potential relationship are actually red flags. They’re probably already aware of some red flags, and are ready to give you their thoughts (potentially while rocking their red flag hat.)
Practice self-care.
Last, but certainly not least, to avoid love bombing, you have to take care of yourself first. Practicing self-care is a great way to ensure your needs are met, so you’re not looking to outside sources to meet those needs.
Be sure to check out these self-care podcasts for more inspiration!
Protect your mental health and wellbeing by knowing the signs of love bombing and how to avoid it.
Sweet gestures, surprise gifts, and declarations of love are definitely things we strive for in relationships, but knowing the difference between healthy adoration and love bombing is crucial when dating and maintaining healthy relationships. After all, you deserve nothing but the best, and that includes the actions of the person you’re dating!
For more useful info and practical tips on living your best life, head over to the Dear Media blog. And remember, Be Safe, Be Kind, Be Hot, and avoid narcissists, y’all!!