Jackie Oshry Has the Perfect Idea for a Movie Based on Those Stranded Astronauts

The return of Suni Williams and Butch Wilmore, astronauts who were supposed to go to space for eight days but ended up staying for nine months, has been remarkably drama-free. Williams even called the International Space Station her “happy place.” They landed with dolphins swimming happily nearby, and they apparently knock out more than 150 science experiments during their extended stay among the stars.

But when the news broke of how little the stranded astronauts were actually paid for their trouble, Jackie and Claudia of The Toast had some great ideas to amp up this story’s dramatic potential.

But how much are they making?

Apparently, even though their mission had a shocking twist, Williams and Wilmore’s compensation package is going to be pretty much business as usual.

People obtained a statement from NASA explaining, “When NASA astronauts are aboard the International Space Station, they receive regular, 40-hour work-week salaries. They do not receive overtime or holiday/weekend pay. […] their transportation, lodging, and meals are provided.” The statement added: “They also are on long-term TDY, and receive the incidentals amount for each day they are in space.” 

A retired NASA astronaut named Cady Coleman revealed that during her ISS sting, that incidental amount was around $4 per day. If that’s still the going rate, Williams and Wilmore would each receive $1144 in addition to their regular salary. According to the NASA website, astronauts at their level are paid about $152,258 annually.

According to Claudia, this is unacceptable. “Maybe the astronauts themselves aren’t mad, but the astronauts’ families must be mad! Like, ‘You stole my mom for 10 months!’”

How can we make this story more juicy?

As dramatic as an unexpected nine-month space stay sounds, it seems like the tea on the “astronauts stuck in space” story is pretty lukewarm. No one involved seems particularly upset about it—as Clauds noted, “Every time I saw an interview they were like ‘We’re having fun! Look, my pee floats!’” After all, being an astronaut isn’t just another 9 to 5. 

“It’s also, like, an astronaut’s dream that you get stuck in space,” says Jackie. But lucky for us Swirlies, she’s already envisioning how to transform this into the emotional, gut-wrenching, sexy drama we all secretly want. 

“I could see this becoming a movie,” she says, “Where, you know, it’s Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt and then they’re stuck for 10 months. And now they’re fucking, and then they have to go home to their families but they’ve fallen in love in space!” Okay, Jackie, so far it’s giving Passengers meets Castaway? Love it! What happens next? 

“Maybe they, like, go back to the Kennedy Space Center and they like go in a simulation where there’s no gravity, and they can feel something, to recreate what they had.”

So perhaps this wouldn’t exactly be a retelling of what went down. “It’s not based on a true story, but inspired by real events,” says Claudia. 

As Jackie says, “We don’t know that they didn’t fall in love. We don’t know what happened on that capsule.”

All we’re saying is, we can see it. Maybe cast J-Law’s real life pal Woody Harrelson as the NASA officer trying to bring them home, Bryce Dallas Howard as Butch Wilmore’s wife back on Earth, and Paul Mescal as Suni Williams’ patiently pining husband?

Someone get Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence’s agents on the phone, STAT!

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