Kristin Cavallari Explains the Truth About Exes Who Move On Too Quickly

If you’re single, it’s time to evaluate the type of people you are attracting. Let’s Be Honest host and Uncommon James founder Kristin Cavallari suggests that if you’re consistently meeting partners who give the bare minimum, it’s time for self-reflection. A healthy relationship with another person actually starts with your relationship with yourself. Imagine that!

“Everything goes back to how you feel about yourself. If you are okay being alone, if you value and love yourself, and if you demand respect from the opposite sex, then you won’t put up with any crap,” she says.

The goal is attracting emotionally mature partners, not those who manipulate and gaslight you. On gaslighters, Cavallari’s advice is to run for the hills: “It gets to the point where you have to look in the mirror. Clearly, I don’t value and love myself enough. This is crazy behavior and something I don’t need to put up with,” she says.

On Let’s Be Honest, Cavallari covers common predicaments: exes moving on quickly, former partners attempting to come back, feeling behind in your love life, and navigating today’s  dating landscape in an increasing world of minimum effort people. If you’re in need of sage dating advice, then this is for you.

What to do when exes moves on quickly post breakup 

A listener asked about handling an ex who began dating someone new just 10 days ending their two-year relationship. Cavallari says this is common because many people cannot sit with the pain or discomfort of a breakup. They distract themselves with social media and new relationships, which Cavallari identifies as immaturity. 

“When someone goes into something else immediately after a breakup, that is because they don’t want to sit with their emotions. They are running from the hurt and sadness, and they are distracting themselves,” Cavallari says. 

If you are in this situation, don’t worry. It will hit your ex eventually. “Breakups hit guys much later once the dust has settled and reality settles in. Then, they process it,” she says.

Don’t be discouraged by when exes quickly rebound. “It’s so obvious when guys do this—going from one thing to the next. It just tells me they can’t be alone. If they don’t have an alone period, you have done zero processing and zero processing. There is no growth,” Cavallari adds. 

What to do when exes try to spin the block 

What a boost to the ego when an ex wants to spin the block and try it again. But if you’re over an ex and they want reconciliation, clear communication is essential. “If he keeps coming back, it’s because he thinks he has a chance. But if there is no chance, it’s not fair to string him along and give him false hope,” Cavallari explains.

Cutting the cord with exes can be really difficult, but honesty is key. “As hard as it may be, you have to communicate it’s just not there anymore and that you guys are on different paths. You cherish the time you have, but it has to end,” she explains.

Beware of the Instagram doom scroll post breakup. “Don’t look at old pictures or old text messages. Get this person out of your life! That is the only way—the only way—to really move on from someone,” she says.

How to handle a situationship

If you are looking for a serious relationship, Cavallari cautions against casual arrangements. While she admits that she has been the girl version of an f*** boy, it really boils down respect. “When I have done this, I’ve looked at these guys like, ‘Have some respect for yourself. Don’t put up with this sh*t from me.’” 

If you’re on the receiving end of this behavior, she adds, “You know if a guy is into you or not. If you are confused, it’s because he is not into you.”

This rule-of-thumb also applies to minimal effort. Cavallari says she immediately withdraws if she notices an energy shift. “You have to match their energy. If you’re the one always initiating and always making plans, stop. Pull back and see what happens. If you stop reaching out, and nothing is reciprocated, then there is your answer,” she says.