Is It the End of the Nice Girl Era?

If you’ve ever cracked open a self-help book only to feel personally attacked by your overachieving inner people-pleaser, congratulations—you’re not alone. And if you’ve ever read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck and thought, “Wait, am I allowed to admit that toxic positivity is exhausting?”—you’re definitely on the path to spiritual growth. But for women especially, breaking free from people pleasing patterns can feel like undoing years of conditioning.

For those who missed the cultural memo, Mark Manson’s best-selling book obliterated the “toxic positivity” movement. Instead of polishing every struggle with a gratitude journal, he said: Life is hard, most things aren’t fair, and we all have limited energy—so spend it wisely. It was a revelation for a generation raised on participation trophies and dream boards.

Fast-forward to today, and the backlash against performative positivity isn’t just about eye rolls anymore. It’s about real, radical change. And that brings us to a recent episode of The Balanced Blonde, where host Jordan Younger delivers a spiritual reality check during a solo episode about the most life-changing shift she’s ever made: embracing “give no f*cks energy.”

The spiritual evolution of not giving a f*ck

For Jordan, this wasn’t just about ditching fake friends or learning to say “no” to random podcast invites (though she does, and gloriously so). It was a complete spiritual rewiring. “I have instilled boundaries in a way that is give-no-f*cks energy,” she explained, “and I needed to do this. I needed to turn my back on being a people pleaser.”

She describes how, for most of her life, she was the person everyone called for emotional labor, support, advice, and emergency girl talk—even people she barely knew. And she delivered, until she had nothing left to give.

Sound familiar? According to Jordan, this shift was about far more than just protecting her time—it was about reclaiming her energetic integrity. “Boundaries are self-respect,” she said. “And if you’re so willing to abandon your boundaries at the drop of a pin, that probably means that as a child, you were taught to abandon yourself.”

You can’t ascend with emotional anchors

Jordan points out something that every spiritual person eventually figures out: When you hold on to people, jobs, or habits that drain your energy, you’re blocking the things you want.

“When you keep too many people in your life who are not really serving you… you are blocking yourself from having the correct people in your life,” she said. “The reciprocal friendships. The soul family. Maybe the partner.”

So if you’re stuck in a vortex of constant social obligations, casual friends who subtly belittle you, or business relationships that suck the joy out of your passion—the universe is probably begging you to let go.

People-pleasing: The nervous system doesn’t lie

One of the more brilliant parts of this episode is Jordan’s breakdown of how people-pleasing messes with your brain.

“When we people please, we trigger the fawn trauma response,” she explained. “But setting boundaries… calms the amygdala, shifts us out of survival mode, and builds new neural pathways for authenticity and empowerment.”

Translation: You’re not being dramatic. Your body recognizes that self-abandonment is literally traumatic. And you’re not bad for not wanting to answer that “Can we chat?” text from the energy vampire who’s already drained you dry.

Spiritual boundaries: How to stop giving a f*ck

Ready to upgrade your spiritual boundaries from Pinterest quote to lifestyle practice? Here are Jordan’s actionable tips—and yes, they’re more than just “cut everyone off and move to Bali” (though honestly, tempting).

1. Take inventory of your energetic leaks

Where are you overextending yourself out of guilt, obligation, or habit? That’s where you start. If your gut tightens every time their name pops up on your phone, that’s not “love”—that’s your intuition begging for backup.

2. Declare what you’re no longer available for

Say it out loud. Journal it. Shout it at the moon. Whether it’s “I don’t do last-minute plans,” or “I’m not your emotional support animal,” declare it and mean it.

3. Ditch the need to explain yourself

You do not need a dissertation, a Google calendar printout, or a three-paragraph apology for saying no. As Jordan said, “I’m now protecting my energy like my actual life depends on it—because it does.”

4. Let go of being the ‘nice girl’

You can still be kind and not be a doormat. “You don’t always have to be nice. You just have to be real,” she said. Authenticity is the new spiritual flex.

Self-respect is the new self-care

Jordan ends her episode with a quote from The Untethered Soul: “Only you can take inner freedom away from yourself, and only you can give it to yourself.” And if that doesn’t make you want to delete half your contact list and start a new journaling practice, what will?

In a world that rewards burnout and emotional overextension as “love,” choosing yourself can feel radical. But it’s also how you evolve.

So, want to level up? Stop (spiritually) giving a f*ck. And watch how the universe starts giving a whole lot more back.