How Do Our Sexual Fantasies Help Heal Past Trauma?

Weezy has built her career on saying what most people won’t: that sexual exploration can be healing, that kinks aren’t shameful, and that pleasure is power. As a sexual assault survivor, these conversations are deeply personal to her.

She is the cofounder of WTF Media Studios, the podcast host of Decisions, Decisions, and the host of Fuse’s Sex Sells, where she debunks stereotypes around sex work. Her new book, No Holes Barred, cowritten with her podcast cohost Mandii B, tackles the stigma around sexual exploration head-on.

“What is the stuff that is embarrassing and what’s the stuff you won’t say? That’s what we wanted to talk about,” Weezy says.

On The Pre-Game with Kayla Nicole, Weezy shares advice on how women can use sexual exploration as a tool for reclaiming their voices, their pleasure, and their power—and how you can, too.

Weezy breaks down sexual shame in her new book 

Writing a book was never on Weezy’s vision board, but once she started, she realized how much needed to be said. The book aims to help women embrace their sexual freedom without shame and covers everything from discovering kinks to navigating dating.

The goal is to create space for honest conversations about sexual and mental health. And it’s not just for women, either—Weezy says the book holds up a mirror for men, too. “They’ll see the lack of empathy they’ve had for women and every woman they’ve ever dated. It’s about removing the shame placed on women and the guilt for wanting something dirty or kinky, while also stopping men labeling women…for experimenting,” she reveals.

Sexual freedom as a form of empowerment

While Weezy is open about her lifestyle choices, she’s learned to keep details of her relationship more private. She is in an ethically non-monogamous relationship, which means she and her boyfriend have sex with other people while in a committed relationship together. But in her 10 years as a podcaster, Weezy has learned not to air too much of her happy, healthy relationship publicly. 

“The more I am happy out loud, about a man, the more it tends to get ruined,” Weezy says. “When you are a non-monogamous person and a sexually open person you just get criticisms like, ‘Her and her man are having threesomes.’ When I am excited and celebrating these stories, people just say it won’t last.”

Celebrities like Ne-Yo and Cam Newton have shined a light on non-monogamy. In his mono-poly relationship, Ne-Yo has four girlfriends, but the women aren’t allowed to be with other men. Weezy warns against people mimicking this new wave of celebrity non-monogamy, saying it’s not the real deal.

“This new school way of doing it isn’t real to me. It’s a false sense of liberation. I see so many women with a broken heart. I see a lot of women upset because their man is having sex with someone else.”

Exploring your kinks

Weezy doesn’t shy away from discussing BDSM and other kinks, encouraging women to explore what they want without judgment. From spanking, role playing, being on a leash, or being slapped on the face, Weezy has done it all, but she emphasizes that communication and consent are non-negotiable. “I was never fully scared of what he’d do to me because of what I’d said yes to. When you submit, it seems like you are powerless. But the control part is truly just role play,” Weezy states, recalling one of her own experiences.

For her, this exploration within a loving relationship has been transformative. “Being loved unconditionally and feeling free is so empowering,” Weezy says.

Your hobby is yourself

Weezy credits much of her confidence to making herself her own priority. She embraces Influencer, Jodi Taylor‘s phrase: “My favorite hobby is myself.”

“I did that before I heard the phrase. I became my favorite hobby. Confidence, you have to build that from within,” she says.

But this wasn’t always her mindset. She’s had to learn to demand more for herself, particularly in relationships. “For some reason, Black women shoot for the moon in their careers, but in relationships, mediocrity is accepted. It’s exhausting… but I wanted to be the embodiment of ‘that girl,’ who is motivated and doing their own thing,” Weezy admits.

Healing after sexual assault trauma 

Weezy says the most important chapter of her book addresses sexual assault. In it, she shares her deeply personal story of surviving sexual assault in her early 20s. 

Her healing process included therapy and confronting her assaulter—something that gave her back a sense of power. “Once, I told him, I felt better about it. For survivors, you have to do the work to understand your own sexuality is not connected to someone else. Connect back with your body and, when you’re ready, embrace sexual exploration to find your power again,” Weezy says.

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, please contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or go to rainn.org.