Dating Totally Sucks and Now There’s Something Called Dogfishing

MTV dedicated an entire show to “catfishing”—when someone uses fake or outdated photos to lure in unsuspecting online dating prospects. But as we all know, appearances are just one piece of the puzzle when finding a match. 

Anyone who’s done the dating app thing has gone out with someone (or, more likely, lots of someones) who looks exactly like their pictures but whose personality is nothing like you expected. 

Luckily, The Dating Detectives—also known as professional private investigator Mackenzie Fultz and comedian Hanna Anderson—have become experts in this phenomenon. They’ve even come up with a name for it: “dogfishing.”

What is a dogfish?

In 2019, The Washington Post used the term “dogfishing” to describe when someone poses with a dog that’s not theirs in their dating profile in order to attract potential partners. But that example was just the beginning of the sort of misrepresentation that’s possible on dating apps.

On their website, Mackenzie and Anna define dogfish as “individuals who look like their photos but are masterful in their art of deception,” who “manipulate and deceive for their own gain.” 

As Hannah explains in the helpful TikTok, “This often results in heartbreak, scams, betrayal, or a nasty cocktail of all three.”

Why would someone want to dogfish me?

Of course, lying about yourself in order to win over a potential romantic conquest is a tale as old as time. Some people might dogfish just to try to get laid, but the Dating Detectives have heard the darkest of tales. More sinister motivations include “scammers preying on vulnerable widows” or “unsuspecting victims who discover their spouse has a secret life hidden in plain sight.”

I fell for a dogfish. What does that say about me?

Absolutely nothing. Dogfishing can happen to anyone. Matrimonial lawyer Leslie Barbara, who appeared on the podcast in May 2024, is an Ivy League educated attorney who specializes in abusive relationships, and even she fell victim to the manipulation of an abusive partner.

“We have guests on the show and they’re like, ‘Oh I’m just so stupid,’” for falling for a dogfisher, says Hanna. “And I’m like no, no, no. This isn’t about stupid. This happens to very intelligent people.” After all, “dogfish come in many forms, and they’re very good at what they do.”

How can I protect myself?

Unfortunately, it’s not easy to spot a dogfish. Mackenzie suggests keeping an eye out for red flags and “trust your femmetuition.” For example, secretive phone behavior deserves attention, though it doesn’t necessarily indicate dogfishing.

If you’re being stalked, harassed, or feeling unsafe with a partner, the hosts share some tips.

“If you’re going through a situation where there’s a lot going on but you can’t find a way out of it, start documenting it,” says Mackenzie. “Start journaling, taking note of every time something kind of crazy happens.” This is not only helpful for legal reasons. It will also help you avoid being gaslit or second-guessing your own experience.

If things progress to the point where you tell the person you’re dating to leave you alone, don’t just say it—text or email it. “You need to make a record. You need to put in writing, ‘do not contact me in any way shape or form, no contact,’” says Leslie. That way, if you eventually need to go to the police, you’ll have evidence of being harassed.

Leslie also says in order to avoid being scammed by a dogfish, it’s a good idea to keep your finances separate unless you’re married. Don’t combine your assets. “If you’re in a relationship and you decide to share expenses, you can open up a joint checking account. You can decide how much you each want to put in and pay your bills. There’s no real reason to put any assets together at all, just because there’s no legal recourse if you’re not married.”

If you or someone you love is involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support. For more tips on how to avoid being dogfished, or to hear shocking tales of women who have been dogfished and emerged stronger on the other side, check out more episodes of The Dating Detectives.