What Does It Take to Heal Our Trauma?

Vulnerability is a strength, and it is also one of B. Simone’s greatest gifts as she works toward growth and healing trauma. Each week on Let’s Try This Again, she shares the good, the bad, and the ugly—nothing is off limits. 

The latest podcast guest, Dr. Thema Bryant, understands the power of vulnerability firsthand. As a trauma survivor, trauma psychologist, professor, and author, Dr. Bryant’s work connects psychology, spirituality, and social justice. Dr. Bryant guides clients toward healing through healthy relationships, trauma recovery, and overcoming stress and oppression.

Dr. Bryant’s ultimate message? Vulnerability is a gift and rawness is what allows you to heal. “The armor we wear does not last. It doesn’t keep us. Do we want to be well or do we want to pretend to be well? Do we want to be well or do we want to perform?” says the Matters of the Heart author.

B. Simone sits down with Dr. Bryant to discuss self-worth, discipline, toxic patterns, and the power in owning and telling your story on your own terms. Get ready for a heartfelt conversation on the latest Let’s Try This Again episode.

How to Show Up as Your Authentic Self

People pleasing demands significant emotional labor. B. Simone shares her lifelong struggle with seeking approval and making other people comfortable. “I was always walking around on eggshells and shrinking herself to make sure other people are okay, but I allowed it. No one held a gun to my head.”

Trauma makes you chase the need to be enough. Once we heal the trauma, Dr. Bryant explains, there’s a journey to believing that you are enough. “It is not solved in one moment. You have to keep telling yourself that in order to learn to just be,” Dr. Bryant says.

We learn from an early age what it takes to be accepted. Dr. Bryant explains that the key to authenticity is feeling safe. “We perform because that’s what is required to be acceptable, to be praised, to be celebrated,” she adds. 

Dr. Bryant emphasizes that it is important to know you are already enough. “When God made you, knowing all the stuff about you, he still called you good.”

Healing Trauma and Breaking Cycles

Dr. Bryant began her healing journey at 19 while attending Duke University following her own sexual assault. She started doing counseling and working at the university’s Rape Crisis Center. 

Healing trauma starts with a choice. When beginning the journey, Dr. Bryant says to be present where you are: “Have compassion for yourself. However you survived it, you survived.”

The next step requires faith in possibility. “You have to believe that you can have more than you have right now and that you can be more than you are now,” Dr. Bryant says. 

Dr. Bryant also explains it’s important not to corroborate with the perpetrator. “The perpetrator erased, harmed and silenced you. That person did not honor your humanity. It’s up to you to decide that you will not mistreat, silence, or dishonor yourself.”

Even if you don’t feel worthy, Dr. Bryant says it’s okay to fake at first. “Even if you don’t feel it, begin to move in that direction,” she says. “That’s called behavioral psychology. I change my actions, even though my heart and mind are still struggling.”

Letting Go of People

B. Simone’s journey to healing and growth has meant letting go of a lot of friendships. Even though it hurt initially, she laughs, “I’ve got about two friends left, and I’m okay with it.”

Dr. Bryant explains that in friendship, you either grow together or apart. “Now, you are operating in truth, growth, and healing,” Dr. Bryant says. She explains that while this involves loss, it also means connecting with people who will meet you where you are.

On making peace with friends who have hurt you, forgiveness does not always require reconciliation. Dr. Bryant distinguishes between forgiving and holding on to something that is toxic: “The truth is I can forgive someone who is not sorry. I cannot reconcile with someone who is not sorry because they are going to keep doing the same thing. This is why it has been so hard for some of us to heal because we keep people close to us who are trying to break our spirits.”

The Power of Telling Your Story 

B. Simone openly shares her story, even when she is still navigating the process. Dr. Bryant explains that when you own and tell your story, not only does it lead to growth, but it gives you power. 

“Some people can tell your story, but they won’t tell it right. When you tell it, you own it and have the power to shift, to heal, and to be free,” she says.

If you want more encouragement on healing trauma and hope for your journey ahead, keep listening to the rest of this episode of Let’s Try This Again.