Caroline Baudino Breaks Down Why Having a Boyfriend Isn’t Embarrassing—But Losing Yourself In One Is

There has been considerable online chatter about whether having a boyfriend is now considered “embarrassing.” A recent Vogue opinion piece sparked the conversation, exploring why women today are soft-launching relationships, cropping partners out of photos, or avoiding posting them altogether.

On Coming in Hot, host Caroline Baudino draws a line between being in love and losing yourself in the process. Many women watched previous generations build their whole identities around men, only to find themselves financially and emotionally trapped. Partnering isn’t the problem. Self-abandonment is.

Why the ’embarrassing boyfriend’ conversation exists

The Vogue piece notes that women are becoming increasingly wary of appearing too attached, too dependent, or too merged with their identity when entering relationships. Baudino understands that instinct intimately. She discusses the way women of earlier generations were conditioned to believe that a partner was necessary for legitimacy. She explains that she grew up in a home where her mother depended entirely on her father, both financially and emotionally.

Baudino says her mother stayed in the marriage for more than 50 years because she believed she had no way out. And reflecting on it, she says, “What I find embarrassing is when you lose yourself in a relationship,” noting that the problem is not partnership, but the idea that your value increases because someone has “chosen” you.

The Vogue piece explores the cultural performance of relationships—hard launches, which are public displays of affection or relationship milestones; soft launches, which are more subtle and often involve testing the waters with friends and family; and strategic angles, which refer to the way relationships are presented on social media. But Baudino focuses on a woman’s identity.

The boyfriend isn’t the issue—the identity shift is

While some women avoid posting their partners due to superstition or aesthetics, Baudino is more interested in what happens when the relationship becomes an extension of their personality. She explains that she’s always been wary of being the woman whose purpose becomes orbiting around someone else.

She’s seen women treat a boyfriend as “the achievement,” and believes that’s where things begin to unravel. A true partnership should enhance a life rather than eclipse it. “A relationship to me is two independent, smart, capable people coming together to build a life,” she says. “You both have power. You both have control. You both have a voice.”

The issue arises when the boyfriend becomes a personality replacement. When personal interests wane, friendships narrow, or the relationship becomes performative, that’s when audiences tend to unfollow. That’s when friends worry. That’s when you stop recognizing yourself.

Balance is the antidote

Baudino isn’t anti-marriage. She’s married, in fact, and speaks warmly about her husband’s support. But she’s clear that the strength of her marriage comes from choosing well—and choosing as a whole person. She explains that she didn’t marry because she needed saving, but married once she already knew how to stand on her own.

Throughout the episode, she encourages women to prioritize self-awareness before entering into a partnership. “You make yourself the best version,” she advises. “You know how to take care of yourself. Then you go find the right person.”

Baudino reframes the trend neatly: Being partnered is not an accomplishment. Being yourself while partnered is. The modern flex is being able to say, “I love you. And I still love me, too.”

Listen to ‘Coming in Hot’ with Caroline Baudino anywhere you get your podcasts.

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