‘Anora’ Just Won Best Picture: Channel That Same Magnetic Appeal in Your Dating Life

If you want to amp up your sex appeal, then the latest episode of Girls Gotta Eat is for you. Hosts Ashley Hesseltine and Rayna Greenberg welcome back sex educator and author Shan Boodram. This time around, the internet’s most famous sexologist is joined by her husband, Jared Brady. 

As a sexologist and new MasterClass instructor, Boodram has built her career on talking about intimacy and connection. Brady has embraced this world, and together they work as business partners sharing expertise on physical and emotional relationships. Boodram defines great sex as freedom to try new things, freedom from limiting beliefs, and freedom not to (aka saying “no” to preserve your “yes” for when it matters).  

On Girls Gotta Eat, the couple shares how they went from casual DMs to a committed relationship and building a family. As parents of two, they know how to keep the passion alive. “For me, sex is about a long life—we are exploring. Maybe somebody has a technique we have not tried out before. Then, we get to try it out,” Brad says.

If you tune in, you’ll learn what makes a person attractive and how to draw people in, including: 

• The art of flirting
• How to catch someone’s attention when you’re out in public
• How to keep a conversation exciting
• The five levels of communication in a romantic relationship (facts, routines, opinions, feelings, and diversity of thought) 
• The concept of the “sexy eye triangle”

The Power of Off-Kilter Touch

When it comes to sex appeal, Boodram shares about the power of off-kilter touch: “You can’t get bored of sex if you are being authentic and intuitive at the moment. Sometimes, authentically, you are in a position where it’s not natural to move in a certain way. Off-kilter touch means touching your partner in a way that is different and wakes your partner up.”

Brady adds that it grounds the experience: “If I’m just going through the motions and doing what is comfortable and normal, I can drift mentally. If I grab her in a way that is not intuitive and might be weird, it puts us in the moment. Now we are connected.”

A Connection To-Do List

People want direction when it comes to connecting, communicating, and building intimacy. Boodram’s MasterClass has two hours of tips about sex appeal and connection. “There is a ‘take it or leave it’ component to everything about the class, meaning it may not work for everyone,” Boodram says. She explains that connection starts with making yourself approachable: “We are not good actors. If you think you are not showing discomfort or a desire to leave, you’re wrong.”

Embodiment is the idea that the body and mind work together. If you don’t feel comfortable, moving your body helps make that shift. Boodram says, “If you want to invite touch and dialogue, assess your body. Is your purse down? Are your shoulders down? Are you smiling? Are you relaxed?” Go through the mental checklist that your body is communicating what you want. 

Second, Boodram suggests studying professionals—like strippers—who excel at approachability: “Learn from the pros who know how to approach people. What do they do? What works best?”

The Sexy Eye Triangle

Eye contact is crucial to sex appeal. As Boodram explains, “Looking someone directly in the eye is showing attentiveness and respect. We can provide that to a lot of people. Looking down to someone shows dominance. Looking up to someone means submission.” 

When trying to increase sex appeal, you want a mix of all three: looking directly at someone, looking up to someone, and looking down to someone. The sexy eye triangle is when you look someone in the eye, drop your chin down, look at their body and look back up. “When you combine all three, you make it very clear that you are interested,” Boodram says.

Like any muscle, you have to flex your eye contact muscle. Brady suggests practicing in a low stakes environment when you don’t care where it leads to: “Practice on the waiter. Practice at the grocery store. When it matters, it’s going to be like riding a bike. You can flirt with people all the time.”

Tips on Sex Appeal From Strippers

You want to approach people who want to be approached, but sometimes, you don’t know that until you go over. Boodram says that you have to look for cues to know if someone is interested, sharing advice from the pros: 

First, enter their space and make eye contact.

Second, make a gesture to gauge they’re responsiveness. Boodram says that one stripper suggests that, “If you are approaching someone and you don’t notice them shift or primp themselves like you would when a waiter approaches your table at a restaurant, then I walk away. If the person does shift and moves things around, come back and do a temperature check with an icebreaker question.”

When you approach someone and you get a cold shoulder, reframe the rejection into a redirection. “You are not putting your cards on the table. You are just making initial contact, and you’ll either get receptiveness or not,” Boodram says.

If they respond positively, proceed with a conversation starter. Strippers know how to keep the conversation interesting. NBT, or never be typical, is a tool to keep the conversation interesting by talking about the finer, richer, more dangerous things in life. From financial splurges, vacations, decadent foods to sex, Boodram suggests keeping the conversation weird but sexy. “It’s all about weaving the two together. It’s all keeping yourself excited and on the edge of your seat.”