Going through any kind of heartbreak can be tough. It’s overwhelming, painful, and depressing to lose someone you envisioned a future with. Divorce, in particular, is one of the most stressful and painful separations you may experience especially if you didn’t want the divorce, but your partner did.
It takes time to heal from this kind of loss. There are a lot of old memories that may come up and cause pain, and there will be new memories made without your ex that can be difficult as well. It may feel like your whole world is turned upside down. Mourning the loss of that old life totally makes sense!
We don’t want you to feel alone in that, because you’re not alone. So today, we’re going to be sharing effective ways to heal heartbreak after divorce.
How to Get Over A Divorce You Didn’t Want
Give yourself space and time to grieve.
The healing process can take a while. You may feel overwhelmed with negative feelings, especially in the beginning. Give yourself space and time to heal this is a significant loss. It will take self-love and time to move on.
Find friends and family to support you during this time.
You need emotional support from people if you’re going to heal. Reach out to loved ones, who can listen to your feelings or just be present so you don’t feel so alone. Having someone you love to spend time with can make the healing process seem much less daunting.
Seek professional help.
Divorce can be traumatic. Grief can be difficult to process on your own. If you find yourself in a spiral you can’t get out of, a therapist or mental health professional might help put a stop to your negative thought patterns.
Challenge negative thoughts.
With help from a mental health professional, you can learn ways to put a stop to negative thoughts. You can even turn divorce into a positive with the right mindset! Listen to the episode of Balanced Black Girl with our girl Nicole Walters called Redefining Success, Creating the Life You Want, and Finding Love After Divorce and No One Chooses Divorce from The Nicole Walters Podcast.
Try a support group.
Divorce can make you feel totally isolated, especially if your friends aren’t going through the same thing. A support group full of people who are dealing with what you’re dealing with can help you feel comfortable sharing your feelings and your pain. You can feel how powerful this process is when listening to this episode of The Nicole Walters Podcast where she and her daughter reflect on how divorce affected them individually.
Set boundaries with your ex.
Girl, there is nothing more harmful to you during this difficult time than your ex making it worse.
Maybe you’re lucky and your ex is respectful of the space you need to grieve and process. But if not it’s time to set those boundaries. If you’re in contact with your ex and it’s bringing up negative feelings consistently, you may want to examine if that contact is really necessary.
You might have kids in the picture, which can blur boundary lines. Be clear about what is and isn’t necessary to be communicated post-divorce. Then, be ready to enforce those boundaries when they come up. Learn more about this with divorce attorney Nicole Sodoma in this episode of Recovering from Reality.
Develop positive coping mechanisms.
Coping with separation and divorce is hard, and it may be tempting to use coping mechanisms that numb the pain, like alcohol or repression.
While those mechanisms are tempting, they won’t really make you feel better they’ll just delay the pain. You may also end up feeling more sad, angry, or depressed than you did before when using these coping mechanisms.
Instead, try coping mechanisms that will lift you up and help you with your healing process. Things like engaging in your hobbies, practicing self-care, exercising, and spending time with people you love can all help enjoy life after divorce.
Need a new hobby that will uplift you? Podcasts can help you pass time in a healthy and productive way. Good Morning, Monster is a great place to start. It’s all about emotional recovery, so this is the perfect show for someone going through divorce.
Embrace your future.
This is a difficult time, but it can be an exciting new chapter in your book, too. Maybe there’s a goal you set to the side in your last relationship that you can now accomplish. Maybe you have room for new dreams altogether!
Either way, putting in time toward setting new goals and manifesting a new, fulfilling future is good for your overall health post-divorce, both emotionally and physically. For more on how to find excitement in your new future, listen to Fresh Starts & Unapologetic Living: Empowering Insights with Nicole Walters from Uncut & Uncensored.
Remember: you are not just the version of you that you were in that relationship. There is so much more to who you are, so don’t give up on that bright future! You may not see it yet, but it’s there waiting for you. Caroline Sansbury of Uncut & Uncensored feels so strongly about this she created this hoodie that says “Every End is a New Beginning” inspired by her divorce. We think it’s time you grabbed one too and realized your potential!
Can you heal after a divorce you didn’t want?
The answer is YES, absolutely. We know it’s gonna be hard, but we’re here for you. You’re not alone, babes! There are so many women out there going through what you’re going through . . . and guess what? You can recover and shine brighter than ever after this!
For more tips on relationships AND more ideas for healthy hobbies check out our blog. And, if you want solidarity with other super successful divorcees like yourself, listen to Recovering from Reality, Uncut and Uncensored, and The Nicole Walters Podcast. These girls have not let anything slow them down!