So Did Matt James Finally Apologize to Rachael Kirkconnell?

Breakups suck, especially under  the public eye. The Bachelor alum Rachael Kirkconnell knows this firsthand. Since Matt James chose Kirkconnell on Season 25, their love story has been closely watched by the world. There were so many bombshells—from no proposal on finale to Kirkconnell facing backlash for attending an antebellum plantation-themed party in college. 

Then, after four years together, James announced their split on Instagram without warning—just a few hours after they privately called it quits while on vacation in Tokyo. Reader, we were stunned.

In a vulnerable, post-breakup conversation on The Squeeze, Kirkconnell opens up about her healing journey and what’s next. She reflects on her viral Call Her Daddy episode (which she admits found her in a raw place) and whether or not her perspective has changed since. If you have ever been through a painful breakup, then you can relate. Tune in as she speaks with The Squeeze co-host, Tay Lautner, for the ultimate girl talk everyone needs on love, loss, and finding yourself after heartbreak.

Life since a public and highly salacious breakup 

The conversation on The Squeeze started in a lighthearted place, with Kirkconnell comparing her personality to sourdough bread. “Any kind of loaf that has a crunchy exterior but then a pretty soft inside is pretty accurate to what I am. I am definitely a softy on the inside, but I also have developed this hard shell in recent years,” she explains.

Kirkconnell is doing okay since the breakup, but she knows she has a lot of work to do on herself. She is figuring out how to navigate life on her own and finding the beauty in that. She is wired to pour into other people: “For so long, a lot of my time was putting my energy into him or the relationship. I definitely put myself on the backburner.” 

In this new season as a single woman, Kirkconnell says it’s both liberating and terrifying: “Some days, I just want to rot in bed, and I don’t want to do anything. Other days, I am forcing myself to get out of the house, see friends, and take on new projects. When you are busy, you are not just left with your thoughts. You can fall into a deep hole when you are by yourself for too long.” 

Staying busy helps, but Kirkconnell doesn’t want to mask her pain: “I hope I’m not just throwing a rug over it. When I am alone and processing sadness, loneliness, disappointment, and numbness, I don’t think that’s a bad thing. You need to have those days and nights when you are acknowledging your feelings, but you also can’t let those feelings dictate you.” 

Lessons on love and trauma bonds

Kirkconnell says she doesn’t have any regrets about being vulnerable on Call Her Daddy. While her intention was not to bash her ex, telling her truth felt necessary. 

“You can’t rewind and change things. It’s obviously difficult to put yourself out there for millions of people to have an opinion on it. But it was also for anyone who could relate or who cared about our relationship,” she says.

Kirkconnell fully admits that she and her ex had a trauma bond. After the breakup, she felt more fear than heartbreak—a sign of unhealthy attachment. “I was so scared. I pictured the rest of my life with him. Suddenly it’s like, ‘What is my life going to look like? Where do I go from here? How do I navigate?’ He was my life jacket in a way,” she says. “I did not know how to navigate this world on my own. I went from being a normal girl who no one knew about to overnight all this craziness.”

Although she says that she has no ill will toward James, now, two months since their breakup, she can see more clearly the disrespectful aspects of the relationship. “But the more time that goes by, the questioning and blaming myself has shifted quite a bit,” she says.

The post-breakup conversation

Next, to the question on everyone’s mind: Are they still in contact? Kirkconnell and James did speak after the podcast. She says he apologized and took a lot of things back, which was both hard and helpful. “It was so nice to hear the things that I’ve wanted to hear for weeks, but it still did not change anything for me. It still happened, and he still did what he did.” 

While she forgives him and sometimes misses him, Kirkconnell is focused on moving forward: “You can forgive someone without taking them back or wanting to work through things. Whether it’s romance, friendships, or family, you can accept someone’s apology and keep moving on. At the end of the day, if you know what they did is not right, you don’t have to accept them back into your life.”

One of Kirkconnell’s biggest takeaways since the public breakup? Control what you can: “You don’t know what people are going to say and do. All you can control is yourself—your feelings, decisions, and actions. Understanding that all I can do is focus on my actions and how I move on from these things really helps me,” she says.

On some level, Kirkconnell still hopes they might be friends, or at least friendly, someday. “I loved that we were best friends. Not every relationship is like that. I think it’s a possibility maybe, one day down the line, for us to be friends,” she says.

What Kirkconnell is looking for in a future partner

For those caught between friendship and  romance, Kirkconnell says, “You have to be proactive and put in the effort to acknowledge your partner in some romantic way—big or small.”

Her love language is words of affirmation. She remembers asking James to write love letters expressing his feelings. “It’s really important to go out of your way to put in that effort to show how much you love them and how grateful you are for them,” she adds.

As for a future partner, she’s still figuring it out. “I just want someone who is nice and not afraid to be a romantic. I want someone to be so affectionate and loving toward me. Someone who screams it to the world and does not care what anyone thinks. I guess I want a lover boy. I’m a hopeless romantic, and I need someone to match that energy.”

Kirkconnell says she has not been on any dates since the breakup, and no one has seriously slid into her DMs. “Sometimes, I worry about that because I had such a public breakup. I wonder if I’m a red flag or intimidating to guys. But I’m not putting myself out there in any way. I want it to happen organically.”