Everyone Is Annoyed By Pick-Me Behavior. Are You a Culprit?

We’ve all been there—twisting ourselves into emotional pretzels, hoping a situationship, recruiter, or algorithm will choose us. But living on other people’s approval is exhausting, and it’s tanking your self-worth in ways you might not even realize. 

On Everything is the Best, host Pia Baroncini captures it perfectly: “My thesis…is that we approach relationships, jobs, and all these things from the perspective of, like, ‘I hope I get picked.’” Then, she immediately flips the script, saying, “We just need to rewrite the narrative to, like, ‘do I want this? Am I picking this? Is this a good person or job for me?'”

Why the pick-me mindset keeps you stuck

Clinical psychologist Dr. Molly Burrets, while appearing as a guest on the show, gets straight to the point about what’s happening here. “Women are taught to believe that their worth is inherently tied to being chosen by a man,” she explains.

We’ve been conditioned for generations to believe that being selected equals safety, status, and happily ever after. But this thinking clouds our judgment, as Dr. Baratz points out. “It becomes like a ‘pick me, he picked me’ situation.”

Combine that cultural script with biological clocks, economic anxiety, and engagement announcements, and it’s no wonder so many smart women slide into scarcity mode. The solution is to recognize that your value exists independently of anyone else’s approval. “As women, we want partners that are going to keep us safe,” Dr. Burrets acknowledges, but real safety starts with picking yourself first.

Time to flip the focus 

Dr. Burrets’s homework assignment for breaking this pattern is clear: “Take a good, long look at their life. A person’s actions will tell you everything about who they are.” Instead of wondering if you’re good enough for them, start studying how they actually behave. Watch how how a potential partner treats service staff, talks about exes, manages money, and handles stress. These everyday moments reveal their true character.

And if you catch yourself rationalizing red flags? Dr. Burrets offers a reality check: “Stop doing the mental gymnastics to make someone that they’re not so that you don’t have to make a hard decision to break up with them.” 

Build a life that magnetizes, don’t wait for one to arrive

Ever save the fancy dishes for “someday”? Baroncini confesses she stopped postponing joy. “Create the life that you think that you can only have once you’re happy in a relationship. Create it now,” she suggests. “Stop waiting around, and start getting out of your mind and into your life.”

Sing up for that pottery class, plan the girl-trip, buy the statement sofa—whatever signals “I choose me.” When you’re busy living a life that excites you, your energy shifts from “pick me, please” to “I’m selective about who gets access.” That confidence attracts partners who actually add value to your life, while deterring those who would drain it.

Choose the life you will have, not the weekend you just had

Physical chemistry feels great, but Dr. Burrets warns that attraction alone makes for poor decision-making. “You have to choose a partner for the life that you might have one day that is going to have hardship.” Think illness, layoffs, IVF, aging parents—real-life plot twists that reveal true character. Her rule? “Do not choose a partner based on what the past six months or year of your life are like.”

Before committing, ask yourself these important questions:

• Will this person show up during unglamorous moments? (Baroncini’s legendary example: “Will they ice my hemorrhoids at 3 a.m.?”).
• Can we solve financial problems without weaponizing shame?
• Do their day-to-day choices mirror the values they claim to hold?

If the answer is no to any of these, remember Baroncini’s mantra: “Rejection is God’s protection.” Close the door now; don’t wait until it slams on your dreams later.

Your power, your pick

The women on Everything is the Best prove it’s possible to trade anxious waiting for confident choosing. When you decide you are the prize, the entire dating ecosystem recalibrates. Your worth isn’t up for auction—your partnership is by invitation only.

So the next time someone asks you to shrink for the privilege of being picked, channel Baroncini’s energy: “Do I even want this?” Then straighten your shoulders, smile, and pick someone else who truly deservers you.

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