We all know relationships are important even the strongest independent woman knows she can’t do it COMPLETELY on her own. Whether you’re talking about relationships with family, a partner, or your ride or die bestie, our relationships can have a serious impact on our mental health, not to mention our quality of life in general. Humans are social creatures, so it’s crucial that we have tight-knit relationships with others.
In general, positive relationships = positive quality of life, while negative relationships trend negatively. When you’re in a healthy relationship, you might see benefits like lower rates of anxiety and depression, higher self-esteem, and even a boosted immune system! When you’re in a toxic relationship, on the other hand, your mental health might take a nose dive.
There can be many different types of toxic relationships, and one of those forms of toxic relationships stems from codependency. Have you heard this term before? It’s often used interchangeably with interdependence, but the truth is, they’re actually super different!
Any time you might run into an unhealthy relationship, you’re better off knowing what you could possibly get yourself into before you’re in the middle of it. That’s why today, we’re going to dive deep into the differences between interdependence and codependency. Let’s get into it!
The DL on Interdependence versus Codependency
Like we said, it’s important for you to understand interdependence and codependency on your own terms, because one is like, absolute goals, and the other we want to stay the hell away from. Get it? Getting all the details will help you assess your own relationships without any rose-colored glasses you’ll be able to see those red flags a mile away, babes!
What Is Interdependence?
An interdependent relationship is the type of relationship we’re aiming for. So what exactly does an interdependent relationship look like, anyway? Interdependent relationships allow both parties to be their own individual, while still being able to support each other, pick up each other’s slack, and ask for help. Being able to ask for help isn’t easy, so it definitely takes some trust to be able to achieve this type of relationship.
Beyond that, It takes two independent individuals willing to work together to support each other to form a healthy relationship. It’s definitely a compromise, but it’s a compromise that’s worthwhile.
Pros and Cons of Interdependence
Pros
- Improved mental wellbeing
- A stronger relationship
- Better physical health
- Someone to have your back
Cons
- Having to make occasional sacrifices
- A small loss in autonomy (like, you may have to inform your partner before you make certain choices)
Examples of Interdependence
- Working together with your partner to make a big purchase.
- One partner always cooks, while the other always does the dishes (and you’re both cool with it).
- Being able to have separate groups of friends, while still being able to spend quality time together.
What Is Codependency?
Codependency is like the unhealthy side of interdependence, where two people become so enmeshed that it’s hard to know where one ends and the other begins. Their feelings might be so intertwined they can’t tell the difference between them being upset and their partner being upset.
In a codependent relationship, partners are unlikely to feel that they can do it on their own. Typically, these relationships lack proper boundaries. This type of relationship might make you wonder if your loved one is hurting your health.
For more on this, check out the episode of House Guest with Kenzie Elizabeth called Boundaries, Processing Emotion, and Codependency! check out this ep from!
Pros and Cons of Codependency
Pros
- Always having someone to rely on
Cons
- Difficulty regulating your emotions
- Poor health
- Low self-esteem
- Mental health issues like depression
- Potential isolation
Examples of Codependency
- One partner making major financial decisions and expecting the other to go along with it.
- A partner that blames you for any negative emotions or bad situations they might be in.
- Feeling uncertain of your own opinion until you hear your partner’s opinion.
The best relationships stem from two healthy, independent individuals working together.
It might sound sweet to be each other’s E V E R Y T H I N G, but trust us, babe you’ll learn how to be a better partner MUCH faster if your boo lets you do you. And, you let him do him! You’ll still be uber important in each other’s lives; you just won’t be the thing that makes them whole. Which, TBH, is a lot of pressure! And, it’s definitely not possible for one person to do on their own.
Did this post bring up some not-so-fun feelings for you? Feel like you’re struggling with how to heal from codependency? We have been there, believe it or not. Lucky for both of us, Jordan Younger from The Balanced Blonde // Soul on Fire is looking out! Check out her episode on How to Set Boundaries as an Empath, Heal from Codependency, & Live Free From People Pleasing. Or, for more general advice, take your pick from the 15 best podcasts for couples!
Looking for a way to show off your bad b*tch, independent energy? This tote from Caroline Stanbury of Uncut & Uncensored and Real Housewives of Dubai is the perfect way to get your vibes out there.
As always, you can find us on the blog for more relationship tips, podcast recs, and general life advice. See you there!