Drew Afualo Shows Us How to Hate Men (and Still Date Them)

Author and content creator Drew Afualo has built her career on calling out men online, and she’s not apologizing for any of it.

“My business stands on the shoulders of men who hate me,” says Afualo. “They are pillars of my business.” With millions of followers across TikTok and Instagram, she’s made her name by frequently responding to and dismantling videos promoting fatphobic, misogynistic, racist, or transphobic views—and she has no problem admitting that, yes, she hates men.

She’s also been with her (male) fiancé for eight years. 

On a recent episode of Girls Gotta Eat, Afualo explained to hosts Rayna Greenberg and Ashley Hesseltine how she manages to reject patriarchal nonsense while still loving a good man. Turns out, it’s not all that complicated.

How Drew Afualo’s no-BS journey began

“I made a video about very specific red flags in men,” says Afualo, “and that was my first video to really take off.”

Almost instantly, her TikTok comments section transformed into a cesspool of male rage.

“I had never in my life experienced hate that felt so personal,” she says. But rather than cowering, she recognized an opportunity. “I must have really hit you if you came all the way over here to say some crazy sh** to me. So I started making fun of them back,” she says. “I was making 10 to 12 videos a day, saying the meanest s*** I could possibly think of. And I’m really good at it. I can make fun of anyone—especially men.”

“Calling out men’s BS starts with small steps.”

Afualo says speaking her mind has always come naturally—even to her own detriment.

“I had no fear as a child,” she says. “And that’s not a good thing. It is okay to have a healthy dose of fear, especially to protect yourself.”

She acknowledges that not everyone possesses that level of confidence, especially when it comes to confronting others. Her advice? Start small.

“A lot of times when people are very passive, they let things happen,” she says. “Like if they get your coffee order wrong, or say your name wrong, you’re just like, ‘Ah, it’s all right.’”

Those small moments may seem insignificant at first, but they matter. “If you start standing up for yourself in little ways, you start to build your own confidence. Because you’re like, ‘I matter. What I want matters. The things I like matter. My feelings matter.’” That confidence snowballs. “When you start standing up for yourself that way, naturally over time it builds. You can stand up for yourself in bigger ways.”

And if you’re shy or not naturally assertive, Afualo says there’s no need to dive headfirst into confrontation.

You don’t need to “cold plunge” into changing your personality overnight. “That may backfire and then you won’t know how to deal with it. So I like to encourage women to start small,” she says.

Afualo hopes her content inspires women to eventually stand up to more systemic harms.

“There’s a misconception that my content is just about roasting men,” she says. “That’s part of it, but there’s a bigger message. I’m empowering women—and anyone else men harm. What I care about is how people see me react to the sh** [misogynists] say online. I want them to see how I don’t internalize it and keep moving forward.”

A good man knows—it’s not about him

So how do you balance feminist principles with dating men?

“It’s a lot simpler than people think. People overcomplicate it,” says Afualo.

If a man isn’t misogynistic, he won’t be offended. In fact, she says, calling out the patriarchy is a great way to filter out toxic men.

“Man as a whole is evil, as an entity,” she says. “Men have inflicted violence and oppression on the world in ways that are irreparable. It’s okay to say that out loud. Every time something terrible happens, it’s a man like 99 percent of the time. So it’s not ‘I hate my man’—it’s ‘I hate most men.’ They all start guilty and have to work their way to innocent.” And by the way, the patriarchy can be harmful to men too—so a feminist man will understand that he can probably benefit from what you have to say.

Hesseltine offered this comparison: “When people talk about white women who voted a certain way or have certain beliefs,” she said, “I know I’m trying to be the best white woman I can be. I don’t hold those beliefs, so I’m not offended. The same way a good man is not offended by the ‘I hate men’ rhetoric. They’re like, ‘That doesn’t apply to me. I’m doing my best.’”

You can criticize an institution without condemning every individual within it.

Afualo’s advice to men who want to be good partners to proud feminists? “If you’re not awful, prove it. If it doesn’t apply, let it fly.”

If Afualo can build her career around calling out the patriarchy and still find a guy who can “let it fly,” there’s hope for us all.

For more advice on dealing with male nonsense, listen to Girls Gotta Eat.