10 Friendship Red Flags

As if adulting isn’t hard enough already, making and maintaining adult friendships is hard AF. Finding good friends is even harder, but it’s important given the significant impact they have on your well-being.

Having healthy friendships makes it a hell of a lot easier to cope with stress, but sometimes it’s the friendship that’s causing stress in the first place. Yikes! 

Unfortunately, friendship red flags (and green flags) aren’t always acknowledged. They’re definitely not talked about as much as red flags in romantic relationships. But, it’s just as important to know how to spot them. 

Red flags in a friendship appear differently than relationship red flags, which makes them harder to identify. But no worries! Like the hosts of Twenty Whatever did in this episode of their podcast, we’re breaking down the signs of toxic friendships so you’ll know exactly what to watch out for. 

10 Friendship Red Flags

You feel like you can’t be yourself around them.

A real friend accepts you just as you are, crazy quirks and all. Knowing you can be yourself is essential for a healthy and supportive friendship. If you notice yourself holding back, closing up, or feeling like you can’t be your authentic self, it could be a sign of an unhealthy friendship. 

They don’t respect your boundaries.

To quote this amazing episode of Mind. Body. No Soul: “boundaries, bitch.” They exist for a reason, and anyone who truly cares about you will respect them. If you set a boundary within your friendship and they don’t respect them, that’s a red flag. 

Some examples of disrespecting boundaries within a friendship include:

• They pressure you to engage in things that you have clearly said you don’t want to participate in, or they criticize you when you stick to your guns.
• Your “friend” pushes you to talk about things that make you uncomfortable or that you said you didn’t want to talk about.
• They inject themselves into situations that shouldn’t involve them.

You’re uncomfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings.

Do you ever feel like you’re walking on eggshells around your friend? Are you hesitant to share your thoughts or feelings on certain things, out of fear of your friend’s reaction? If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings, it means that you don’t feel emotionally safe with them and you should reevaluate your friendship.

They’re always trying to one-up you. 

A true friend celebrates your achievements. A bad friend will constantly try to one-up you by ignoring your accomplishments and making it seem like they did something even more impressive or more worth celebrating. As you can probably imagine, this can take a major toll on your self-confidence by detracting from things in your life that should be celebrated. 

They can’t keep a secret.

A friend sharing something with you in confidence is a sign of trust within your friendship. But when your friend is sharing the secrets of others, it can make you start to question whether they’re sharing your secrets with other people. If you’re worried about whether your friend will keep private information private, that’s a big red flag. 

You feel exhausted after spending time with them.

What adults forget about friendship is that it’s supposed to be fun and uplifting. Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with someone. A ride-or-die friend is someone who makes you feel better when you spend time with them. If you feel exhausted, frustrated, anxious, or stressed after spending time with a friend, that’s a sign of a toxic friendship that shouldn’t be ignored. 

They make you feel guilty about having other friends.

Another red flag is when your friend makes you feel guilty about spending time with other people. They will make you feel like you’re not being a good friend to them by hanging out with other people. There is nothing wrong with having other friends and you shouldn’t let their jealousy keep you from spending time with other people you care about.

The friendship feels one-sided.

Are you the one who is always making plans? Does your friend constantly call you when they need to vent, yet they won’t answer the phone when you need someone to talk to? It’s perfectly normal to go through periods where one friend leans on the other, but if you feel like you’re carrying the full weight of your friendship on your back, that’s a warning sign of a toxic friendship. Remember, your friends aren’t supposed to be your therapists!

They frequently give you back-handed compliments.

It feels pretty damn good to get a sincere compliment from a friend. But, when you get a compliment that makes you go, “Wait, what?” Hello! That’s a big red flag. We’re talking about back-handed compliments that are intended to hurt you or make you feel inferior. You know the kind… “You’re not as stupid as you look.” UGH!!

A real friend gives genuine compliments that make you feel good. 

They are incapable of sincerely apologizing.

It’s a huge red flag when your “friend” can’t admit when they’re wrong and won’t apologize, no matter how much you deserve an apology. They’ll try to brush it off or act like they didn’t know you were hurt. If you notice this happening, you can try to talk to them and encourage them to see your side of things, but if they refuse to change, it’s time to rethink your friendship.

Knowing what friendship red flags to watch for makes it easier to find a real friend.

If you recognize these red flags in a friendship, consider distancing yourself from the person or closing the door on the friendship. It’s not easy, and this post on how to break up with a friend can help, but it’s worth it for your well-being. You are worthy of amazing friendships, so don’t settle for anything less! 

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