How To Emotionally Recover From A Divorce
Let’s all find some common ground here. Breakups suck. No matter how they happen, they are never fun. Divorce adds a whole new layer of stress to a breakup. Bring in lawyers, assets, and potentially even kids. Honey, you’ve got your work cut out for you. There is no easy way to get divorced. It’s stressful and often utterly overwhelming. There, we said it! Truth is, no matter the cause or how long you were married for, divorce recovery is a long-term healing process. It’s messy, it’s difficult to handle, and it can take a heavy toll on your wellbeing and mental health.
Unsurprisingly, studies show divorce is linked to increased anxiety and depression, as well as a greater risk of suffering from alcohol abuse. Just wonderful. As if we didn’t have enough problems on our hands. But before this post starts to feel overwhelmingly negative, let’s take a pause and gain some perspective. Divorce is a huge life change, and it’s normal to feel angry, resentful, sad, or demotivated as a result. No big change, especially related to love and family, is easy. So don’t expect divorce to be a walk in the park.
However you can get through it. While it’s safe to say that it takes a considerable period of time to emotionally recover from divorce, no matter how amicable the split up, you will get there. And who knows, this bump in the road, even if it feels like a mountain, might just be the last hurdle for you to climb over before reaching true happiness.
How To Emotionally Recover From A Divorce
So with all that being said, because we understand that divorce recovery is a long journey, we want to dedicate a post to our advice on how to emotionally recover from divorce and the grieving process that comes with it. We’re sharing our tips on how to make divorce recovery easier! But keep in mind that you can also put these strategies in practice if you’ve just gone through a tough breakup instead of a divorce. The end of a relationship outside of marriage can also be extremely painful and you deserve help to grieve the loss. So keep reading to learn how to emotionally recover from divorce or a tough breakup!
Listen to Divorced, Not Dead with Caroline Stanbury:
One of the best ways to heal is to know that others have been through what you’re going through, and are thriving. Caroline Stanbury’s podcast is all about how the Spinster vision she had for her life was obviously shattered due to her divorce, and how she not only recovered but built a new incredible life. In her show, Divorced, Not Dead, Caroline reminds you that there is life after divorce, and it can be absolutely epic. This show will also offer up a couple of laughs which can definitely help if you’re feeling down.
Give yourself time to go through the grieving process.
Divorce recovery is a long-term journey. That’s why you should give yourself permission to feel all the uncomfortable emotions. It’s okay to be angry, sad, and relieved at the same time! Take the blame off your shoulders and just feel. You’re allowed to wallow in your emotions as much as you need. And if you’re feeling guilty for the split up or for anything, really, take steps to forgive yourself. Have constructive talks about your emotions, maybe journal through the healing process. Do what you need to feel ready to turn the page!
Surround yourself with supportive family and friends.
Having a support system is absolutely necessary when going through a divorce. You can’t expect yourself to go through this major life change all alone! So surround yourself with people that make you feel good. And let them help you, too! Whether it is a family member bringing you dinner or your best friend taking you out for a shopping spree, let others in. There’s no point in isolating yourself. You’ll heal faster if you stick to your loved ones!
Practice daily self-care.
Self-care is essential no matter what’s going on with your life. Still, it’s even more important when your emotions are taking on the toll of divorce! Research shows self-care has a positive impact on your health and overall wellbeing. So we say bring on the bubble baths and spa days! You have to start putting yourself first, especially after a complicated breakup. A self-care routine can really be anything that makes you feel good. From meditation and journaling, to beauty routines, to yoga and breathwork, you can customize a self-care routine until it’s just what you need. The most important thing is to choose activities that help manage your stress and make you feel good.
Don’t get hung up on your ex spouse.
I know it might be tempting to stalk your ex on social media. We’ve all been there at some point, divorced or not. But you’re shooting yourself in the foot by doing it! Research has suggested that stalking your ex on Facebook or other social media platforms can undermine your healing process. This prevents you from moving on in the long-term, with an increased risk of indulging in obsessive behaviors. So please, do what you need to shift your mindset and focus on yourself instead! No creeping through friends either! It’s time to evict your ex from living rent free in that head of yours.
Take a break if you need one.
Toxic productivity is real and more common than you might think. And it’s way too easy to fall for this trap when you’re going through a tough time. It can be tempting to throw yourself at work after a divorce or breakup. But resist the urge to avoid processing your feelings! If you need a break, take it. Stay at home for a couple of weeks. Maybe go on a solo adventure. Whatever it is that will help you reset and recharge, go for it! Avoid filling the ex from your void with other short term distractions.
Remember the reasons the relationship ended.
It’s so easy to look back and wonder if you made the right decision. So we recommend you always remember the reasons your relationship ended. Don’t get caught looking back, fantasizing and only focusing on the good. You don’t need to get obsessive about the bad, but you do need to remember why the relationship wasn’t right for either of you. Take note and remember why toxic relationships are harmful, and don’t look back with any regret.
When you’re trying to emotionally recover from a divorce, the last thing you want to do is set yourself up for an emotional roller coaster. Let’s be real, we’ve all made the mistake of going through with a late night booty call with an ex. However if you’re getting divorced, this is not the time to cash in that favor girl. Trust us. You don’t need the emotional attachment. So set firm boundaries and stick to them,
Remind yourself that there’s a bright future waiting for you.
Here’s the deal. Divorce is not the end of the world. Yes, it hurts like crazy. Yes, it will make you more vulnerable and emotional for a period of time. But that grieving process will come to an end! You have to keep going no matter how tough it gets. Focus on your personal growth and your hopes for the future. If you want some guidance, then listen to our favorite personal growth podcasts! And remember, after this difficult time, you’ll be a stronger, more resilient person. You’ll be even more deserving and ready for the partner that can be your true match.
Dive into a new hobby or passion project.
Trying out new things is an effective way to keep your mind busy and away from your divorce. It’s also fun to take over brand new projects! This can be a hobby or a passion project that you’ve pushed to the back of your mind long ago. Divorce is a life change, so treat it as such. It’s time to rediscover yourself and your passions! Maybe start gardening or writing that novel you’ve outlined half a decade ago. Or join an art class and find some new like-minded friends! The options are as wide as your imagination here, so don’t hold yourself back from doing the things you love.
Consider joining a support group.
Support groups can be tabu. You might be embarrassed to admit that you need that level of support to begin with. But there’s a reason so many women have joined these groups while on their divorce recovery. It’s helpful to have someone that’s going through the same healing process as you. It can motivate you to keep looking forward and move on with your life. In fact, research shows support groups for divorced women have helped them adjust to this new chapter more easily. So consider taking the plunge and looking for a support group near you!
Forgive and move on.
We all know forgiving someone who hurt you can get a little tough in certain situations. Still, if you don’t forgive your ex, you’ll find it much harder to turn the page. Holding a grudge against your former spouse will only make things messier and bitter. You don’t need to be best friends, but at least make your peace with them internally. Process the messy breakup details, forgive them and forgive yourself, and carry on with your life!
What are your strategies to speed up the healing process after divorce or a painful breakup?
That’s our advice on how to emotionally recover from divorce! It’s a complex grieving process, but you’ll move on sooner than you think. There’s life after divorce or a tough breakup! You need to stay confident in yourself and trust the journey. I promise you’ll make it through in the end. Have you been through a divorce recently? What tips do you have for women on the same boat as you? Let us know your story in the comments. Stay healthy and put yourself first!