What is Slow Fade Dating?  

We all want that picture-perfect, storybook romance, but the reality is that dating usually comes with a lot of highs and lows. Navigating the dating scene and getting to know someone isn’t always easy, and often it can be a real challenge. Identifying the telltale signs and mixed signals of a dying relationship can make it easier to know where you stand with someone you’re interested in. 

So, today we’re talking about another modern dating term: “the slow fade.” By the end of the post, you’ll know exactly what it is, how to spot it, and how to deal with it. Here’s the DL on the slow fade:

What is slow fade dating?

Unlike a sudden disappearance act, AKA: ghosting, the slow fade is when someone, rather than simply telling you they’re not into you, starts slowly fading away. With a slow fader, you might have gone on a few dates or spent a couple of weeks constantly texting, and then you notice them gradually pulling away. This episode of We Met At Acme offers a great explanation on the differences between a slow fade and ghosting! 

If you’re wondering whether you’re dealing with a slow fader, we got you. Keep reading for the signs of a slow fade to look for. 

What are the signs a guy is doing the slow fade?

• Texting, calling, or emailing less frequently
• Avoiding future plans
• Lacking interest in spending time together or getting to know you better
• Canceling last minute without a reasonable explanation
• Seeming less invested in your relationship
• Refusing to have a difficult conversation 
• No longer makes you a priority
• Stops initiating things

How to Deal with Slow Fade Dating

1. Know the signs.

Just like spotting the signs of a narcissist, the first step in dealing with a real-life slow fader is knowing the signs to look for. The signs listed above might not come off as immediate red flags, but if you notice that you’re suddenly the one putting in all the effort, and you spot more than one of the above signs, there’s a good chance your new fling is slowly fading away. 

2. Try not to over analyze.

Easier said than done, we know, but over-analyzing and overthinking is not only unproductive, it can make you feel worse. It’s totally normal to want to know why someone is pulling away, but in the long run, even if you are lucky enough to get some kind of answer, will it really make a difference in how you feel? Probably not. 

3. Be direct.

Podcast episodes like Let’s Be Honest: Getting into the Mind of a Man and Oddvice: The Male Perspective offer great insight into how a guy thinks, but if there’s one thing to remember, it’s the importance of being direct. If you suspect he’s pulling a slow fade, communicate directly with him about it. Be like “Hey, I feel like our relationship has been different lately. Do you still want to give this a go?” 

The key is to avoid being accusatory or shaming him into trying to hide his intentions. Just be direct and ask him in a clear way WTF is going on!

4. Respect their feelings.

Again, respecting their feelings might not be the easiest thing to do when a guy chooses to slow fade rather than directly end a relationship, but it’s important nonetheless. If they confirm they’ve lost interest and don’t care to see your relationship continue, respect their feelings and turn your focus on yourself. If you need a pick-me-up after, listen to an empowering, confidence-boosting podcast. 

5. Make yourself a priority.

From the minute someone makes it clear you’re no longer a priority in their life, it’s time to make yourself a priority. This is your cue to spend some time on self-care! 

If you’re not sure where to start, Ashley Corbo, in an episode of her podcast Trying Not to Care, walks you through the 10 steps to self-care! You could also grab this self-care mug from the shop, so you always have your reminder to be kind to yourself. 

It sucks when someone you like loses interest, but it’s important to see a slow fade for what it is. Their loss! No, really. If someone is giving you the outs, but doesn’t have the guts to do it directly, they’re doing you a favor. You deserve to feel like the luckiest girl in the world. (Here’s more on how to become a high value woman with one of our Dear Media besties!) 

For more advice on navigating dating and relationships, check out our story on “What is a Beige Flag?” and “How to Find Someone on Dating Apps.”