Most of us ( if not all ) have been through a bad breakup or two. Or three. Or four. You get the point. The truth is, not all relationships have a fairytale ending. Although that would be sweet, wouldn’t it? In reality, some relationships just become too toxic and end breakup. But we’re here to tell you: it’s not the end of the world.
If you’re going through a breakup, we feel your pain. We know that you might be battling feelings of sadness and anger, and on the worst end of the spectrum, you might even be having feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. You might even be feeling a huge loss of identity. At the very least, it doesn’t feel good. The good news is, these feelings are totally normal. But rather than looking at your breakup as a reason to further lose yourself, it’s important to instead use it as an opportunity to find yourself again.
Finding yourself after a relationship is the best way to prepare yourself for your next relationship. Not to mention the multitude of benefits that come along with getting to know yourself better and rediscovering what is truly most important to you.
So, how do you find yourself after a relationship? That’s the question we’re tackling today. It’s our hope that the tips below help you rediscover all the things you love about yourself and prepare you for your next go-round with this crazy thing we call love.
How To Find Yourself After A Relationship
Take time to grieve.
Immediately following a failed relationship, you might feel the urge to jump right into the next one. While we can all agree this might help you get over your ex for a while, it won’t help you truly grieve the loss of your significant other.
The first thing you want to do after a failed relationship is to come to terms with it. That involves accepting that it happened and giving yourself time to grieve. This is when the tears and tissues are likely to be a routine and that’s okay. This time allows you to reflect on the relationship and all that happened. It’s even more important to take the time to grieve if it was a messy breakup or if cheating was involved.
This period usually involves lots of self-reflection and it’s very helpful if done properly. You are likely to find yourself second-guessing all that you thought you knew. Though that’s not the main aim, it’s a common byproduct. This is where you let time help with the healing and you let the pain run its course. In no time, the tears are dried and the tissues are long gone.
Let your emotions flow.
While you are giving yourself time to grieve, it will be futile if you don’t do the “grieving”. This is where you let your emotions flow and let out how you feel.
A common strategy with failed relationships is keeping your emotions bottled up and it rarely proves wise. This is why letting your emotions flow and dealing with them now is important to find yourself.
Come to terms with the pain and hurt that came with the disappointment and give in to it. It’s important to clarify that letting your emotions flow doesn’t involve being violent to yourself or others. Instead, you can articulate your emotions and let them flow through music, writing, podcasts, or movies. Soon the bad energy is far away and you feel like a new person entirely.
Learn to let go.
It will be nearly impossible to heal after a heartbreak if you’re still hanging on to it. This includes the source of the heartbreak and the emotions that came with it. It’s not uncommon to find people who blame themselves for breakups and end up holding on longer than they should. You can be sure that there’s no better way to lose yourself than this.
Letting go is compulsory when dealing with a breakup and moving on no matter how you look at it. It’s a must if you don’t want the relationship and its baggage to keep pulling you down. This is where you stop blaming yourself and distance yourself from your ex. You can return those things that hold sentimental value and possibly restrict yourself from their social media pages. It’s all part of the healing process.
We know it’s easier said than done, but you also need to let go of your hopes and aspirations for the relationship. Here you accept the promises and plans won’t come to pass and you can start accepting the new reality.
Give yourself to your passions and interests.
For the creatives that are given to art, music, and entertainment, this tip comes easy. There are a number of breakup songs out there and you can be sure the writers were in a similar situation when the inspiration came. This can be seen as your “me” time where you do the things that you enjoy.
After a breakup is also the perfect time to take up a new hobby that you have always wanted to do. Or, to finally complete that pending project. This helps you to focus more on yourself and allows you to value yourself more.
The feeling that comes with doing something right, especially something you are good at, is sure to help your self-esteem and confidence. It’s even better when it brings in more income and opportunities.
Make time for family and friends.
Although it might currently feel like it, breakups aren’t something you have to go through alone. When you share your situation with your support system, they will be there to offer a listening ear when you feel sad. As well as a shoulder to lean ( and cry ) on when you let your emotions flow and a means of distracting yourself by spending time with those you love.
For this tip to be effective, however, you have to be willing to open up to your support system and make time for your friends and family. Don’t leave them in the dark. Even if they don’t have a solution to how you feel, their presence and your interactions are a solution in themselves.
Look at the bright side.
Moving on involves offloading the negatives and choosing to see the brighter side of things. Developing a positive mindset is key to becoming the best version of yourself that you can be. It might surprise you to find out just how much a positive mindset can help you deal with the fear of rejection as well.
Start by focusing on what you want and working towards it. Soon, you’re back in charge of your life and creating the life you always dreamed of.
Make your health a priority.
It’s not uncommon to see people belittling breakups by saying “can a bad relationship really cause mental illness“? Well, the answer is a big YES, which proves that making your health a priority is paramount.
A bad breakup can easily lead to increased use of alcohol and drugs, and the development of other unhealthy habits. Just to name a few, poor hygiene, poor diet, lack of exercise, and reduced social interaction can all be the result of a breakup as well. Instead of allowing your mental and physical health to decline, take steps to create a wellness routine that works for you. Take your daily hot girl walk, take care to maintain a healthy diet and exercise plan, and practice self-care.
Read books to get to know yourself.
Now that you’re newly single, there has never been a better time to get to know yourself better. Who are you? What are your goals? Where do you want to see yourself on the other side of this breakup? It’s time to find yourself and one of the best ways to do that is by reading books on this specific topic. If you’re not sure where to start, we recommend checking out this roundup of books to get to know yourself by The Skinny Confidential.
Listen to self-improvement podcasts.
In addition to reading books, you can also listen to self-improvement podcasts to get to know yourself better. Whether you’re looking for breakup advice specifically, tips on how to find yourself again, or literally anything in between, there is a podcast episode out there just for you. In fact, we’ve already sprinkled a few of our favorites on cheaters, breakups, overcoming the fear of rejection, and more throughout this blog. And you can find tons more on our shows page, HERE.
Be true to yourself.
Last but not least, be true to yourself. Understand that breakups look different for everyone. So in the same breath, the healing journey will look different for everyone too. There is no set amount of time overcoming a breakup should take. So, follow your heart, take all the time you need, and do what’s best for you.
Use your breakup as an opportunity to finally find yourself again.
It’s time to raise your vibrations and finally find yourself again. A breakup isn’t the end, it’s simply the start of something new. *Cue High School Musical soundtrack now.* But seriously, we hope these tips help you through your healing journey. For more on relationship dynamics, check out our roundup of the best relationship podcasts around.
