How to Find Yourself After a Relationship and Thrive Again

So… your relationship ended and you’re stuck wondering, “Now what?” We get it, we’ve definitely been there a time or two… or three, or four. The truth is, not all relationships have a happy ending, as much as we wish they do. However, two things can be true at once—that breakup isn’t always a bad thing. Just take it from Girls Gotta Eat‘s episode titled “Breakup Bootcamp!”

Here’s the good news: it’s NOT the end of the world, even if it feels that way right now. You’re battling sadness and anger, confusion and desperation, and on the worst end of the spectrum, you may even be experiencing feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. But, what if we told you that heartbreaks aren’t just about losing someone—they’re also about rediscovering you. And what if Kenzie Elizabeth from House Guest told you that it may just be the best thing to ever happen to you?

It’s true! You’re in this whole new self-discovery era, and that’s exciting! But in the midst of so many negative feelings, it can be tough to know where to start. That’s why today, we’re diving into all of the ways you can find yourself after a relationship and thrive again. Don’t worry, we’re skipping the fluff and giving you the real sh*t. Let’s dive in.

How to Find Yourself After a Relationship

Take time to grieve.

Immediately following a failed relationship, you might feel the urge to jump right into the next one. While we can all agree this might help you get over your ex for a while, it won’t help you truly grieve the loss of that relationship.

The first thing you want to do after a failed relationship is to come to terms with it. This is when the tears and tissues are likely to be a routine and that’s okay. In fact, it’s one of the healthiest ways to cope with a breakup. This time allows you to reflect on the relationship and all that happened. It’s even more important to take the time to grieve if it was a messy breakup or if cheating was involved.

This is where you let time help with the healing and you let the pain run its course. Want more insight into why this is so important? Tune into “Thank God I Didn’t Get the Thing I Wanted” from Let’s Be Honest.

Let your emotions flow.

Feel the hurt. Feel the heartbreak. Unfortunately, you HAVE to process all of those thoughts and feelings you want to sooo badly avoid. Raising Good Humans actually has a FANTASTIC episode on this exact topic, titled “Managing Your Emotions So They Don’t Manage You.”

As soon as you start suppressing that pain, it’s just gonna continue lingering underneath until you address it. Maybe it’ll come out during a bad day, a fight with a friend, or a stressful shift at work. Regardless, as soon as you acknowledge that pain and sadness, you can learn from it and achieve stronger self-awareness. And, bettering ourselves is all we really want after a breakup, anyways.

Learn to let go.

It will be nearly impossible to heal after a heartbreak if you’re still hanging on to it. This includes the source of the heartbreak and the emotions that came with it. (Ahem, listen to THIS episode of Note to Self for more on why this is a crucial part of finding yourself after a relationship has ended.)

We know it’s easier said than done, but you can’t continue associating yourself with the past. Otherwise, how are you supposed to make space for this new, beautiful life you’re creating for yourself? This throwback episode of Dear Gabby basically feels like a how-to guide for learning all you need to know about letting go.

Give yourself to your passions and interests.

When you’re in a relationship, you kind of adapt to the things your partner liked. Totally normal, but not always convenient. If they love binge-watching TV shows like White Collar, you probably enjoy doing the same. But what if there are a whole LIST of hobbies out there just waiting for you to find them?

Seriously, there is. Just take it from our posts like “Hobbies That Help You Make Money,” “Hobbies for Women in Their 30s,” and “Winter Hobbies to Try.” It’s time to invest back into YOURSELF, and find what you thrive doing! Plus, creativity is the perfect outlet for releasing sadness, confusion, and anger. It’s a win-win.

Make time for family and friends.

Although it might currently feel like it, breakups aren’t something you have to go through alone. When you share your situation with your support system, they will be there to offer a listening ear.

Plus, the people around you can typically see things you can. Like, you may think that you had the most AMAZING partner in the world. Your family and friends, on the other hand? They could for SURE tell that your partner was controlling. Essentially, they’re there to hype you up, support you, and make sure you bounce back to new and improved version of yourself.

Tune into “How to Constantly Grow, Feel Empowered, Become Valuable, & Overcome Your Struggles” from Him & Her Show. It feels like a warm hug, and a list of badass advice that you NEED to hear right now.

Look at the bright side.

We know, we know, you probably saw this tip and rolled your eyes, thinking “Bright side, schmight side.” We hear ya. But as time moves on, so will you. It will be MUCH easier to create the life you desire when you open yourself up to all of the possibilities.

First things first, focus on what really matters. And if you find that hard to do, then listen to “Jay Shetty on Purpose, Growth, and Self-Discovery” from Transform. Then, reach for that. Keep it in your line of sight. Use it as motivation. Trust us, once you reframe your mindset and keep your eye on the prize, you’ll almost forget you just went through a breakup to begin with!

Make your health a priority.

We don’t need to tell you that breakups impact your mental heath—that’s a given. What we will tell you, though, is that while you’re in the process of finding your yourself, you NEED to prioritize your feelings and check in with yourself.

Fortunately, there are a plethora of resources right at your fingertips. From therapists and family members to podcast hosts and self-care tips—there are so many ways to find a routine (and an outline) that works for you. And, of course, tune into “You Are Worthy” from The Squeeze.

Read books to get to know yourself. 

Honestly? There’s never been a better time to find yourself than after a relationship. Who are you, really? What are your goals? What do you want to accomplish? These are the things you need to be thinking of! And one of the best ways to do it? Read books!

With SO many good options out there, we did the digging for you. Make sure to check out “Best Books for Women in Their 30s,” “Michael Bosstick’s Picks: Books for When You Don’t Know What You’re Doing with Your Life,” and “Books About Grief.”

Listen to self-improvement podcasts. 

In addition to reading books, you DEF need to be listening to self-improvement podcasts. Think of it as a personal therapist and self-help book on the go. You can tune in while you’re cleaning, journaling, writing, driving—the options are endless.

Plus, there’s an episode for everything, whether you’re looking for breakup advice, tips on how to find yourself again, or ways to rebuild confidence and embrace new beginnings. Check out “Self-Help Podcasts for Women” and “Podcasts That Make You Think” for plenty of options.

Be true to yourself. 

Last but not least, be true to yourself. Understand that breakups look different for everyone. So in the same breath, the healing journey will look different for everyone, too. There is no set amount of time overcoming a breakup should take. So, follow your heart, take all the time you need, and do what’s best for you. 

Want an inspirational pep talk? Real Pod has the perfect thing. Check out “Listen to This If You’re Craving a Deeper Relationship with Yourself, Featuring Self-Connection Specialist Jacq Gould.”

Use your breakup as an opportunity to finally find yourself again. 

Breakups can be difficult AF, there’s no sugarcoating it. But, they can also be enlightening, encouraging, and inspirational. Instead of using this time to think about “what once was,” take this time find yourself after a relationship. There’s a whole world out there full of songs you haven’t heard, people you haven’t met, foods you haven’t tried, and movies you haven’t seen. It’s time to get out there and explore what all life has to offer!

Want even more self-improvement advice? Head to the Dear Media blog! We talk about everything from love life advice to health and wellness tips, making sure you have everything you need on every step of your journey. Also, don’t forget to check out the DM shop for all of the hottest new products! This “Squeeze the Day” Tee feels perfect for the occasion.