When you’re a kid, making friends is seriously SO EASY. You roll up to a playground on a random morning, find some kids, and just join whatever game they’re playing. When your mom says it’s time to go, you leave without even knowing their name, because there will be friends at the next playground. There always are.
Where the heck did this surplus of friends go??? Even into elementary and high school, people you vibe with are just everywhere. Back then your AOL or MSN messenger was probably blowing up 24/7 with party invites and check-ins—then your twenties come and finding friends is like finding a bad T-Swift track. Like, “Hello? Where are you?”
Making friends in your twenties is hard because everyone in this young adult stage is in massively different stages of life. One friend is still puking UV Blue into a popcorn bucket in your backseat while the other friend is popping out their third kid in their idyllic (and vaguely culty) homestead.
It’s just a WILD TIME where everyone is really doing their own thing. Navigating friendships as an adult is made even harder by busy schedules, big moves, family commitments, and those classic millennial quarter-life crises. But, we all want friends and community, so what’s the secret? Well, FRIENDS, that’s what we’re discussing today!
You can listen to Kenzie Elizabeth talk about it in the episode of ILYSM called “Making Friends in Your Twenties, Living Alone, Comparison, Finding Motivation After a Rut & How to Gain Confidence” and the episode of Dear Gabby on the best relationship advice for friendships. But, that’s not all – take a sec to read our top tips to create a new social circle in your 20s:
How To Make Friends In Your Twenties
Work on yourself first.
First up, you’ve gotta spend some time working on yourself before you build your tribe. At this point, you probably really want to be liked to prove to yourself that you’re still as cool and fun as you were in high school. Okay, honey, we’re too big for that game! You gotta love yourself!
If you don’t have a strong sense of self, you could become super co-dependent on your friends. This is a major turn-off for friends in your 20s. Your friends are NOT your therapists, as Nicole Walters puts it. Do some real heart work, fall in love with yourself, and listen to the episode of Freckled Foodie & Friends where Cameron Rogers talks about what she wished she knew in her 20s. Trust us, we wish this too!!!
Practice confidence.
Before you meet people, you need to be confident. Step one should help with that! Confidence is the number one thing people are going to be attracted to, after all. And, without confidence, how are you going to step out of your comfort zone to connect with new people?
To help you generate some confidence, listen to some confidence-boosting podcasts! We love this episode of MOOD and this episode of Real Pod to help re-charge your boldness and self-love! Once you’re feeling it, put on this You’re Gonna Love Me baseball cap so everybody you meet knows that you’re investing in yourself and you don’t have time for drama! the f*cking best.
Consider the type of people you want to meet.
Next, ask yourself what you want in your potential friends. This really depends on your life stage! Want that fun, wild mid-twenties spirit? Cool, you’ll probably find your people at the club. Want someone who will sit and drink coffee with you while your children scream in the background? Then, we should probably find a nice playground.
Figure out what kind of social circle you want to cultivate in your 20s. It may involve getting out of your usual safe spaces, so this is an important step. For more help with this, listen to the The Ultimate Adult Friendship Episode of ILYSM.
Manifest that sh*t.
Now let’s manifest this sh*t! Manifest your confidence, your new besties, and the whole new community you’re going to find. Use this episode of Dear Gabby to get started manifesting and hear more about manifesting in relationships in this episode of The Blonde Files.
Get out of the house.
Okay, you’re probably not going to find friends in your living room—this is especially true if you’ve moved cities! It’s time to explore and get way out of your comfort zone. You need to not only find new places to hang out, but you’ll need to approach and engage with your future friends. We know this can be anxiety-inducing, but we believe in you!!!
Find a club or community.
One of the best places to find friends is by joining a club or group. In these communities, you’ll find like-minded people with common interests. This will give you lots of conversation starters and plenty in common.
Think about yoga clubs, book clubs, painting clubs, and more to join! Learn more about what passion to pursue in the episode of ILYSM called Feeling Lost in Your Twenties, Wanting to be Liked, Deciding What Passion to Follow & Fun on Weekdays!
Volunteer somewhere.
Volunteering is a great way to meet people who have the same values and viewpoints as you. Pick a mission, volunteer, and probably meet some of the most amazing people ever!!!
Feed the homeless, visit the elderly, clean up a beach—anything to make a difference, and meet potential friends.
Travel the world.
Travel creates connections with people like nothing else. There is something about exploring new places that charges you with confidence and boldness. You’ll meet so many people!
Pick a destination and just go. Even if that means you go solo! If this is out of your comfort zone, good! But also, Lauryn and Micahel Bosstick have helpful travel hacks on the Him & Her podcast that will change the way you view travel altogether.
Actually, talk to your co-workers or classmates.
Do you work? Do you go to school? Those are people with similar interests, skills, and lifestyles as you. Why not actually talk to them and get to know who they are and what they’re all about? After that, go out for drinks, work out together, or even start carpooling!
Here are some tips on making friends at work, and don’t miss this episode of ILYSM for help making friends while in college!
Use an app.
Social media used to be a great place to meet people, but then Nev and Max came along and showed us what Catfishing is. Since then, we’ve all been a little skeptical. Luckily, there are other digital ways of finding your circle!
You can find apps for hooking up and finding love, but there are also apps to make friends! Here are some of our faves:
6 Apps To Make Friends In Your 20s
Bumble BFF
Bumble has a dating feature that most people know about, but there’s also a way to meet new friends through Bumble BFF. It works the same as regular Bumble, except it’s only for people looking for friends and it’s not gendered. Anyone can make the first move!
Wink
This is one of the most popular friendship apps out there. It’s just like Tinder where you swipe left or right on each compatible person. It’s just a great system, so why not use it to find your future bestie?
Meetup
If you plan on finding your people through clubs and community, Meetup will help you do that. It’s an app that organizes local meetups for specific hobbies and lifestyles.
Hey! VINA
This one’s just for the ladies!! VINA is an app all about women finding women friends based on interests, hobbies, and stage of life. And, guys, establishing strong female friendships is sooo important!
Peanut
VINA is for women and Peanut is for moms! This app acts as its own social media platform in addition to a meet-up resource. We love this for moms everywhere who struggle to prioritize their social lives.
Atleto
If your passion is fitness, your next bestie could be on Atleto! It’s an app that connects people to workout together. Pretty rad, right?
Making friends in your twenties is hard, but you can do it!
We hope these strategies helped you make a plan for finding new friends. Your social group in your 20s is going to be stronger than ever with our tips! Once you find your besties, make sure you send them this Bestie greeting card to declare them as BFF. Then, grab matching Bestie totes and What We Said beanies to show the world that you can be popular and in your 20s.
For more life advice and podcast recs, check out the Dear Media blog and our list of amazing podcasts. We’ve got everything you need to absolutely slaaaay in your twenties. Let’s go girls!