Let’s talk about sex! It’s an intimate act that allows you to connect with another person on a much deeper level (vaguely inappropriate pun intended). It’s supposed to make you feel good,— emotionally and physically.
But feeling good isn’t exactly easy when you’re overwhelmed with negative and anxious thoughts. The inability to relax prevents you from enjoying the pleasurable experience that sex is supposed to be.
We understand that sometimes your mind can wander into some dark places during sex, and worry can make you feel tense and disconnected from your partner. And because we want you to have better sex, we’re dedicating an entire post to helping you feel more relaxed during the deed! This way, you can actually enjoy your sexual experience.
Try some of these practical tips to see just how much of a difference it can make in your sex life!
How To Relax During Sex
Communicate with your partner.
Whether it’s your first time getting down with your new beau or your hundredth time being intimate with your partner, communication is key. Sex is intimate, babe! If you’re struggling to stay in the moment and relax enough to enjoy yourself, talk to your partner about it.
As explained in this episode of Note to Self, talking about sex with your partner isn’t always easy. However, there are ways to make the conversation more comfortable.
Open communication before, during, and after sex makes it much easier to relax and have a good time. It’ll totally help you bring real intimacy back into your relationship!
Share any reservations you have about intimacy or sex in general. Suggest ways for them to help you feel more at ease. You can even offer tips on how to touch you or kiss you to make the experience better for you. (For more on this, listen to the episode of Ex Virgin called How to Get What You Want from Him.)
Focus less on finishing.
When it comes to your sexual performance, you are your own worst critic. If you’re only focusing on getting your partner off or reaching orgasm, you’ll find that it’s practically impossible to relax and enjoy the entire experience.
Focusing too much on your or your partner’s orgasm puts a lot of pressure on you to meet certain expectations or to perform a specific way. If a mind-blowing orgasm is truly your ultimate goal, you have to relax enough to let your body get there. Plus, this way if for whatever reason you or your partner don’t finish, the experience will still have been a wonderful one.
If you want additional orgasm info, listen to the episode of We Met at Acme called You’ll Have An Orgasm After This or the episode of The Papaya Podcast called The One About Orgasms.
Stay in the moment.
Do you often find your mind wandering during intimate moments? Do you struggle to stay present or feel disconnected from your body during sex? We have some good news: staying present can make all the difference! Mindfulness is the key to feeling damn good!
The next time you engage in partnered sex, try some mindfulness techniques. Mindfulness is the practice of focusing on your body, one part at a time, and concentrating on how that specific body part feels. You can do a full-body scan from head to toe or you can focus on the area your partner is touching. Even try this presence meditation from Mind. Body. No Soul!
If you notice your mind wandering again, draw your attention back to the physical sensations you’re experiencing. Focusing on these sensations not only feels good, but it makes it easier to relax and enjoy the experience as a whole.
Focus on your breathing.
If you were to talk to a sex therapist, like Shane and Sarah did in this episode of The Papaya Podcast, one of the first suggestions they would offer you is to focus on your breathing as a way to relax during sex. Deep breathing can make a huge difference when it comes to performance anxiety.
Even better, deep breathing can help you relax in any situation, not just during sex. Whenever you start to feel overwhelmed or overcome by anxious thoughts, concentrate on each inhale and exhale. This is also a great way to avoid distractions and feel more confident every time you are intimate with your partner.
In the episode, The Power of Breathwork and Understanding Your Human Design from The Heal Podcast, you can learn all about strategic deep breathing techniques!
Don’t be afraid to laugh.
Depending on what kind of sex education you received, you might have been taught that sex is merely for procreation. But just about all of us know the truth: sex doesn’t have to be serious and boring. We’re not shaming anyone’s religious or cultural beliefs, but come on! Sex should be FUN!!
Let yourself have a good time. Laugh during the awkward moments. You’ll find that it’s much easier to relax this way.
With these tips, you can relax and truly enjoy sex!
This is your sign to let go of any reservations you have about sex and finally enjoy it the way it’s meant to be enjoyed! Trust us, both you and your partner will reap the benefits!! Just let this Bad Broadcast t-shirt remind you to always Be Safe, Be Kind, and Be Hot!
For more ways to improve intimacy with your partner and have better sex, check out the Dear Media blog and all of our favorite sex podcasts. This isn’t a topic we’re quiet about. You deserve great sex!!!
