10 Signs Of A Toxic Person: Your Peace Comes First

Is there a person in your life who, every time you hang out with them, leaves you feeling drained AF? Like, the minute you say goodbye, you’re smacked with exhaustion, insecurity, and a sh*t ton of other negative feelings?

Whether it’s a family member, a co-worker, or someone you’re in a relationship with, have you ever used the word “toxic” to describe them? Or, maybe other people have, but you’re not entirely convinced. 

If this all sounds a little too familiar, you’re not alone and there’s something you can do about it. The first step to unloading the weight of this unhealthy relationship (and even avoiding it to begin with) is to learn how to spot the signs of a toxic person. 

So, today we’re sharing a list of all the warning signs that tell you someone in your life is super fricken toxic. You deserve to surround yourself with people that UPLIFT you, not bring you down. Let’s dive in!

10 Signs Of A Toxic Person

Of course you don’t want a toxic person in your life—we didn’t have to remind you of that. But spotting them isn’t as easy as you may think. They’re not exactly walking around waving a red flag that says “Hey, I’m toxic!” Which makes us have to realllyyy pay attention to the little things. (Because, yeah, sometimes toxicity is just a bunch of little things.)

But because it can be a little tricky, we’ve come to the rescue. We’re showing you alllll the signs you need to keep an eye out for if you think someone is your life may be toxic. Trust us, distancing yourself from them, while it may be hard, will save you a lot of heartache in the long run.

What Is A Toxic Person?

A toxic person is someone whose actions significantly negatively impact your life. This can be manipulation, self-centeredness, disrespectful behavior, constant criticism, gaslighting—the list goes on and on. Some toxic people, like those with dark personality traits, are totally aware of their behavior. Not all, but some.

Ultimately, a toxic person makes you feel confused, uncomfortable, insecure, incapable, and unworthy. They’re self-absorbed and getting them to admit fault or take accountability for their actions is like pulling teeth. A toxic person is miserable to deal with because they make you feel like sh*t, even when you did nothing to deserve it. It can really mess with your sense of self! You can dive into this more in our post: How Toxic Relationships Affect Your Mental Health.

Signs Of A Toxic Personality

Constantly Needing Attention

Some people are more needy than others, but a toxic person is needy AF all the time. And, even worse, it’s totally one-sided. They’ll blow up your phone, fully expecting you to give them the emotional support they crave. But, when the roles are reversed, they’re radio silent. 

When you’re dealing with a toxic person, you feel like you’re putting all your time and energy into being there for them, only to get nothing in return. This is because toxic people are completely self-absorbed. Their toxic behavior is due to their need for attention and affirmation. Not surprisingly, this is one of the toxic traits of someone with narcissistic personality disorder. 

Disrespecting Boundaries

A HUGE indicator of toxic behavior is someone who disrespects boundaries. And not in a “Oh, you crossed the line a little bit here.” But more of a “You totally disrespected me and made me really uncomfortable” kind of thing.

You can set as many boundaries as you want, but a toxic person will not follow them. Healthy relationships are built on respect. If you set boundaries and they can’t respect them, that’s a huge red flag. Speaking of boundaries (take a shot each time we repeat it), you need this “Boundaries” crewneck. They probably won’t take the hint, but at least it’s a cute way to send a message.

Lying

Dishonesty, in general, is a toxic behavior. If you notice the person being deceitful, lying, or keeping a ridiculous number of secrets, you’re looking at a toxic person. And no, it doesn’t matter whether it’s a “little white lie” or a life-changing secret, it’s dishonesty and it’s not okay.

“Transparency Over Perfection: Filmmaking, Faith & Healing with Diamond” from Let’s Try This Again talks all about this exact topic. Life is way too short to surround yourself with bad behavior, especially if it involves not respecting you enough to tell you the truth.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a type of emotional manipulation and it’s super hard to recognize when you’re the target. Someone who is gaslighting you will make you question yourself by saying things like “That’s not what happened,” or “You’re being overdramatic,” when you confront them or share your feelings about their behavior. Constantly questioning yourself as a result of gaslighting is one of the many reasons toxic relationships are energy-draining. 

We’ve talked a lot about this topic here at Dear Media, because nobody deserves to question their experiences or feelings. Tune into “Gaslighting Myths & Truths + Science-Backed Tips for Happiness & Healthy Relationships” from The Art of Being Well to learn more.

Playing The Victim

A toxic person legitimately thinks they can do no wrong. Rather than recognizing their faults, they will become passive-aggressive, turn things around, and place the blame on someone else. For example, when you tell them they hurt your feelings, they’ll respond with something like “What about how I feel? You hurt my feelings!” or “You’re just in a bad mood and you’re taking it out on me.” 

And nothing is as frustrating as someone hurting you and then making it seem like YOU’RE to blame. Take it from us—it isn’t you, it’s literally just them. Taking accountability isn’t just about owning up to things, it’s also about being authentic and trustworthy. It’s one of those signs of a toxic person that you can’t ignore.

Judgmental Attitude

A toxic person is quick to point out your every mistake and make you feel awful about it. They’re also quick to judge and will highlight your missteps to make themselves feel better. Their ultimate goal? To belittle you while giving themselves the power in the relationship.

Toxic people will also engage in gossip and spread rumors to make themselves look better. If you’re the target of their judgment, you might hear about it from a third party, which can make it that much harder to deal with. 

Lacks Empathy

Let’s be real, we can all be a bit… crabby at times. We all unnecessarily take things out on others, throw blame their way, and lash out—even when they don’t deserve it. It happens! But the difference lies in how you feel afterwards. Obviously, nine times out of ten, you’re gonna feel awful. You’ll apologize, tell them what was going on, and work to fix it.

Toxic people don’t care. They don’t apologize, they don’t see what they did wrong, and they def aren’t gonna check in on you. Instead, they see it more like a “Well, you had it coming” kind of thing. They’ll make up some reason you deserved the criticism, and they won’t think twice about it.

For more on why you need to get away from this ASAP, check out: “Why Is Empathy Important in a Relationship? Feel, Speak, Heal.”

Jealous and Competitive

When you’re dealing with a toxic person, they’ll never want to see you win. Which, no matter what kind of relationship it is—friends, family, partners—they should always want to see you succeed. And with that, they should always be there hyping you up, encouraging you to keep going.

Toxic people not only don’t want to see you succeed, they hate it when you do. It makes them feel inferior and therefore jealous, leading them to minimize your accomplishments to make themselves feel better. Listen to “Confidence Confidant” from The Bad Broadcast for more on how jealousy is an energy vampire. You worked HARD for what you have, and people who don’t remind you of that have no place in your life. For more on this, check out: “Is Competition Necessary for Success?“

Inconsistent

If you’re looking for signs of a toxic person, look for inconsistency. Basically, never expect them to never stand true to their commitments or promises. They’re irrational, indecisive, and hardly ever commit to one thing. And if they do commit, they tend to bail before the time comes. Which, when you have something important you need them to show up for, can be seriously disappointing.

It also leaves you totally confused on your role in their life. If someone isn’t showing up when they say they will, you begin to wonder if what you say or do even matters at all. It’s like an emotional rollercoaster you didn’t agree to go on. If you need extra help on this, check out our post: “When to Walk Away From a Relationship That’s Not Serving You Anymore.”

Always Sabotaging Your Growth

Like we talked about earlier with being competitive and jealous, someone who never wants to see you grow and thrive? This is, without a doubt, one of the signs of a toxic person. And this could be in any capacity. Work, friendships, love life, hobbies—anything. And honestly, the reasoning can be one of two things.

First off, they don’t want to feel less than. When you’re growing and doing all these super impressive things, they feel like they aren’t doing enough. Instead of matching your level, they bring you down to theirs. And second, they don’t want you to outgrow them. Toxic people, especially if left unchecked, can just spiral into their little pit of destruction. That level of self-sabotage? SO not worth it.

How To Deal With A Toxic Person

Confront them.

As soon as you spot a toxic behavior, call them out on it. Explain what they did and how it made you feel. You want them to know you’re paying attention. This will give them the opportunity to apologize or explain their actions. 

However, be aware that, like the toxic person they are, there’s a good chance they’ll get defensive and make excuses for their behavior. They might even try to turn things around and redirect the blame to you. If this happens, try dealing with them differently. 

Don’t take it personally.

When you’re dealing with a toxic person, it’s important to remember that their behavior is a reflection of them, not you. Whether they’re acting out because of deep-rooted personal issues or surface-level insecurities, you are NOT at fault and NOT to blame. 

Trust us, we know how hard it can be to remember this when you’re facing an onslaught of toxic behaviors, but all you can do is try your best to not take it personally. 

Don’t engage.

Simply sharing the same space as a toxic person is exhausting. It’s even worse when you’re the target. As tempting as it is to defend yourself, your best bet is to stay far outside of their drama. 

We wouldn’t recommend plugging your ears and giving them the old “nah nah nah nah nah I can’t hear you” bit, as amusing as that might be. Instead, respond by saying something like that “I’m sorry you feel like that” then move on. If you’re lucky, they’ll leave you alone once they see that they’re not getting a rise out of you.

Set stricter boundaries.

Toxic people suck at respecting boundaries, but boundaries are important. If there’s a toxic person in your life who you can’t avoid, like a coworker, you can try setting stricter boundaries. Lay it all out for them by telling them that you refuse to tolerate their behavior. Keep them at a distance as best you can and spend as little time with them as possible. 

Surround yourself with positive people.

When you’re constantly drowning in the toxic behaviors of someone close to you, it can be easy to forget what a healthy relationship looks like. Make a conscious effort to spend more time with good people who make you feel good and support you. Not only will this make you feel better, but it’ll further emphasize just how toxic the other person’s behaviors are. 

Cut them out of your life.

It sounds a bit dramatic to say “Get rid of them!” but that’s basically what we’re getting at here. If you’ve tried a bunch of different ways to deal with the toxic person in your life and the methods either didn’t work or made things worse, it’s time to walk away. You don’t have to feel guilty about prioritizing your well-being. If you need some help, this episode of Real Pod on breaking toxic relationship patterns is a must-listen. 

Knowing what signs to look for can help you deal with toxic people in your life.

So, we’re all in agreement: toxic people suck. But try as you might to avoid them, you’re bound to encounter at least one toxic person sometime in your life. Fortunately, since you read this post, you can spot the warning signs and deal with them appropriately. 

And, if you need more life advice and podcast recs, check out the Dear Media blog. We have everything you need to become your best, strongest, and most bad*ass self. Also, don’t forget to head to the DM shop! This “You’re Giving Me the Ick” hat? You definitely need it, given the circumstances.