Modern dating . . . you’d think with today’s technology and centuries of practice this whole finding “the one” thing would get easier but it hasn’t! In fact, now we basically need a dating dictionary to keep up with all the terms used to describe the nuances and complications of dating in the 21st century.
From benching and ghosting to roaching and zombieing, there are a bunch of different dating terms to keep up with. Today we’re focusing on the last one, zombieing. It’s a pretty new addition to the modern dating dictionary, so don’t worry if you don’t know what it means. We’re about to fix that because today we’re giving you all the info on zombieing, including how you can deal when it happens to you. Let’s dive in!
What is Zombieing In Dating?
Zombieing is a dating trend where someone who ghosted you (or suddenly ended all communication without explanation) randomly reaches back out to you as if their whole “disappear from your life” act never happened.
If someone who ghosted you suddenly reaches out, maybe by texting or calling you or messaging you on social media, but doesn’t acknowledge having ghosted you, they are zombieing you.
There are two main types of zombies: You have your classic zombie, which is a guy you don’t really know that well because he ghosted before things got serious. Then you have the zombie ex, who you had a real, serious relationship with, but they still randomly stopped talking to you one day. No matter which zombie type you’re dealing with, getting zombied can stir up a lot of emotions like confusion, frustration, and self-doubt. So, what do you do?
Well, first you check out our tips below, but then you do yourself a HUGE favor and listen to Violet Benson’s more in-depth discussion about zombieing in the episode of Almost Adulting, From Ghosted to Begging U Back, or check out the episode of We Met At Acme called Ghosting, Healing From Break Ups, and Attachment Styles.
How To Deal With Zombieing in Dating
Trust your instincts.
Always trust what your gut tells you. When your gut is telling you that this zombie deserves nothing more than to return to the grave he came from, listen and follow suit. Don’t give him the benefit of the doubt, and don’t accept his phony attempts to reconnect. More times than not, zombieing is a MAJOR clue that he’s wayyy more trouble than he’s worth.
There are more great tips on following your gut in the episode How To Build Your Confidence, Trust Your Gut, & Execute On Your Dreams Ft. Face Foundrie Founder; Michele Henry of Him & Her.
We also recommend checking out our post Intuition Vs Anxiety, unless your gut is telling you not to… 😉
See it for what it is.
Zombieing is basically someone telling you, without actually telling you, that you’re not a priority to them. Whether they lost interest while getting to know you or found someone else, the reality is they don’t respect you enough to cease communication properly.
The only exception is the zombie with a legitimate excuse for suddenly disappearing from your life like he was in a car accident that left him in a coma for a few months. But, come on, we all know that more than likely he doesn’t have a good reason for dropping off of the face of the earth. Hence our obsession with this How Do Men Figure? tee and You’re Giving Me the Ick hat from the Dear Media shop. :))
If you’re interested in learning more about how a guy’s mind works, check out Getting into the Mind of a Man with Travis Kelce from Let’s Be Honest and The Male Perspective from Oddvice.
Spot the warning signs.
Being able to spot the warning signs of zombieing just might help you avoid it completely. If you notice any of the following red flags, there could be a zombie creeping your way in the future.
- They talk a big game, but you’ve yet to see any follow-through
- Sex is the main focus
- You are always reaching out to them first
- They don’t listen or remember anything from your conversations
Tbh, we can easily name at least a few dozen podcast episodes that relate to this topic, but our mega-faves include Being Her: 10 Red Flags I Would Not Put Up With in A Man & Nor Should You, Let’s Be Honest: Screaming Red Flags, We Met At Acme: A Complete List of Red Flags, and Twenty Whatever: Red Flags in Relationships & Finding “The One.”
Know your worth.
Unless he has a legitimate, reasonable excuse AND sincerely apologizes, you deserve so much more. No guy is worth being disrespected it’s that simple. Love yourself enough to hold out for the person who will treat you like the queen you are. Don’t beat yourself up or blame yourself for their actions.
Remember, every end is a new beginning and it starts with learning how to truly love yourself. Start now, with these amazing podcast episodes on self-love:
- How to Fall in Love with Yourself!! – What We Said
- Ways to Self Love – Almost Adulting
- Going Back to an Ex, Dealing with Rejection, Being Okay with Being Alone and the Journey of Self Love – Trying Not to Care
Zombies are awesome on TV, but in real life, they should stay in their grave!
If there’s ever a time to run in the opposite direction, it’s when a zombie sets its eyes on you. The guy who suddenly reaches out after ghosting you might not actually want to eat your brain, but his intentions for your heart aren’t much better.
We’ll leave you with two last podcast episodes to check out for more helpful info: Recovering From Reality’s episode Manifesting Your Perfect Partner, Dating Conversation Starters, Navigating Ghosting and Dating App Prompts, Anti-Ghost Texts, and What Matters When Sliding Into Dms from We Met At Acme.
For more podcast recommendations and helpful posts on everything from podcasting to friendships and dating, head over to the Dear Media blog.