Divorce is never welcome. No one has a goal of getting divorced. However, for a lot of really normal reasons, people need to separate. It’s just healthier sometimes for everyone involved to divorce and rebuild, whether it’s because of infidelity, money problems, lifestyle differences, or simply growing apart. And, even if ending the marriage is totally necessary . . . it’s still messy AF.
Positive and Negative Effects of Divorce
Your marriage has been probably the center of your life in a lot of ways for years—maybe even decades! Now, suddenly it’s crumbling and you have to figure out who you are on the other side of all this? Like, it’s SO SCARY. But, that doesn’t make it the wrong thing to do. The truth is, there are both positive and negative side effects post-divorce. So, breathe…it’s not all bad!
To help you prepare for all that comes with divorce, we’re sharing a list of good things and bad things that come with divorce. Hopefully, with this post, you can be primed and empowered to handle whatever comes your way. You got this, girl!!!
Here are the positive and negative effects of divorce:
Positive Effects of Divorce
Way less stress.
Living with someone you don’t like is STRESSFUL. You’re probably fighting about all sorts of stuff like money, communication, future goals, sex, and how to raise your kids. The thing is, once you’re divorced, allll of that goes away. The vibes at your home will totally change, and you won’t be weighed down by resentment, bitterness, and jealousy!
Though post-divorce you’ll probably get a big wave of relief, the whole divorce process is pretty stressful. To help you get through it, listen to this episode of Everything is the Best and this episode of Dear Gabby. Both will help you relax and reclaim your mind.
Freedom to do what you want again.
After marriage, you finally have the freedom to do literally whatever the f*ck you want. There are no more compromises about whether or not the bed should be made in the morning or what temperature the house should be set to. You can do anything! Take a new job. Start a new hobby. Pain the bathroom Barbie pink.
Literally just do you. The freedom feels SO GOOD. If you need some inspo on this kind of free living, listen to Kenzie Elizabeth talk about it in the episode of ILYSM called I’m the Happiest I’ve Ever Been and I’m Doing Everything I’ve Been Told Was Wrong.
Hike in motivation to be your best self.
With the freedom and change in your mental state, you’ll suddenly become soooo motivated to be the best version of yourself. You might start eating well and going to the gym to work on your physical health while taking on a new hobby to serve your emotional needs. For the first time in a looong time, you’ll have the energy to actually pay attention to your own health.
If you want to feel even more motivated to become the best version of yourself, listen to the episode of Him & Her called Spiritual Guidance, Removing Self-Limiting Beliefs, Riddings Yourself of Guilt—Second thought, just binge all the Him & Her episodes. Every single one is like a master class in self-improvement!
Boost in self-confidence.
Obviously, as you feel better and look better, your confidence will build too. This is especially true if your relationship is toxic and your husband puts you down all the time. Now, you’ll start gaining an accurate view of yourself!!!
Caroline Stanbury of Divorced Not Dead (obviously a must-listen podcast in your situation) talks about this in her episode called Confidence Starts With Me! With your new sense of confidence, you’re ready to get back out there and sport the F*ck Filters or the Becoming a Whole New B*tch crewneck. Whichever fits your vibe the best.
Improvement in other relationships.
As one draining and toxic relationship ends, it allows your other relationships to flourish. You’ll finally have the energy and right mindset to develop a closer bond with your friends and family. And, once you understand your attachment style, you’ll transform your relationships into something totally new! These relationships will hopefully have the support and love you’ve been lacking.
Get to return to the dating scene.
Some will see this as a pro, and some will see this as a con, but after your divorce, you’ll be able to get back out there and rejoin the dating scene!!! If it’s been a hot minute since you’ve been in the dating culture, listen to We Met at Acme’s rules of relationships for the best success! (Then, grab yourself “The Rules” crewneck to show you’re well-educated in the laws of attraction).
Negative Effects of Divorce
Less support all around.
When you were a part of a team, and now you’re a solo act, obviously more burden will fall on your shoulders. Whether it’s paying all the bills yourself or suddenly becoming a single mom, your daily support system is gone. Long-term, this can be really exhausting.
If you’re in that single motherhood/co-parenting camp, learn more about how to navigate this season with this episode of The Balanced Blonde: Soul on Fire and this episode of Recovering from Reality.
Broken trust and feelings of betrayal.
No matter how your marriage ends, you’ll probably end up with trust issues when it comes to relationships. Even if it’s just the intuition of marriage itself that you’ve lost faith in, those feelings of brokenness run really deep. If this is you, listen to the episode of The Papaya Podcast called The One About Divorce & Trusting Your Heart Again.
Hostility in environment and relationships.
Now that the marital home is broken, your day-to-day home life may be less stressful. However, your relationship with your ex could go south, making anything involving him really unpleasant and difficult—especially if kids are involved.
Emotional distress in children.
It’s no secret children are affected by divorce too. Changes in child custody, home environments, and even economic status can leave a child feeling abandoned and lonely. Since divorced parents are also going through a tough time, it can be hard to keep focused on your children’s emotional needs too, but it’s really important to support them through their healing journey.
Aliza Pressman can help with this in this episode of Raising Good Humans, where she discusses the impact of divorce on young children. She’ll even discuss some positive effects of divorce on children too!
Feelings of depression and hopelessness.
Starting over is hard. Divorce can leave you free in a lot of ways, but it can also trap you in these deep feelings of regret and guilt. It can even bust down your self-esteem and make you believe that you’re not worth a new relationship or chapter—but you totally are!!! Let Whitney Port and her guest Ryan Haddon lift you back up with this episode of With Whit.
Loss of some friendships.
Your social life usually changes after divorce. Some people stick with you, and some people stay with your ex. Friend break-ups can be SO HARD, but we know you can get through it. New friends will come with the next season!
Difficulty moving on from ex.
This is the most serious relationship you’ve ever had. It’s probably the longest-lasting too. And, even with all the bad parts of the relationship, there were plenty of good times and cherished memories. All the weight of the relationship makes the break-up brutal!!!
Caroline Stanbury gets it completely as the host of Divorced Not Dead, so we love her advice. You can get some of her best relationship advice on divorce in the episode called How to Heal Your Heartbreak. Even once you move on, lots of feelings come rushing back once you see them with a new girlfriend. Once you get there, Morgan Cohen will help you out in the Denim Theory episode of her podcast.
Divorce has its ups and downs—do what’s best for you.
If you’re going through a divorce, girl, we feel you!!! It’s one of the toughest things anyone could go through, but we know you’ll come out the other side a bigger and stronger person. Just remember that you’ll have good days and bad days, and you just need to trust the healing process. You could even get the “Didn’t Cry Today” crewneck, and the “Cried Today” crewneck just to remind yourself that both feelings are okay. You can get through this with your Dear Media fam!
