What Adults Forget About Friendship

If there’s one thing we can all agree on in the Dear Media community, it’s that adulting is hard. Responsibilities hit you from allll sides—career ambitions, keeping up with responsibilities, family relationships, mental health, the list just goes on and on. And somewhere in the middle of trying to keep up, it’s sooo easy to lose perspective on the important stuff. The biggest thing that gets caught in the crossfire? Our friendships—and with that, what adults forget about friendship in the first place.

Navigating friendships as an adult is no joke. When you’re younger, it’s so easy to call up a friend, invite them out for spontaneous plans, hangout until 3am and do it all over again the next day. But as an adult, there’s no way we’re making that happen. And honestly, we’re all secretly mourning that shift whether we realize it or not.

Today, we wanna bring some perspective back. We’ve listened to this episode of Conversations with Cam about prioritizing friendships, and we’ve tuned into Good Instincts’ episode about real adult friendships, but let’s talk about the things we forget about friendships as we get older. The good, messy, and meaningful.

What Adults Forget About Friendship

It’s supposed to be fun.

In Rhaina Cohen’s article for The Atlantic on what adults forget about friendship, she writes, “Just catching up can feel stale. Playing and wasting time together like kids do is how you make memories.” Which goes to show that getting coffee and catching up can feel like a chore, especially when it’s been a while since you last saw someone.

Friendship isn’t (and shouldn’t feel like) just another thing on your to-do list. Laughing until you cry, binge-watching the OC, and dumb inside jokes is what makes friendship fun. When you feel like you have to do certain things to catch up because you’re an adult, you lose sight of the big picture!

Your friend isn’t your therapist.

Even if they’re your ride-or-die friend, your time with them shouldn’t feel like a therapy session. Sure, it can leave you with similar feelings of optimism and stress relief, but as discussed on The Nicole Walters Podcast, your friend is NOT your therapist!

No, we’re not saying you can’t talk to your BFF about what’s on your mind. But that shouldn’t be the ONLY thing you do when you’re with them. If you’re constantly unloading your problems onto them, they’re not exactly gonna be thrilled to hang out at the next opportunity. You’ll get emotionally exhausted at some point too! 

Save your heaviest venting sessions and pleas for solutions for your therapist (or maybe an good ol’ fashioned adult sleepover). 

There shouldn’t be any pressure.

Walking into any situation with high expectations is an easy way to set yourself up for failure. You should feel comfortable canceling at the last minute with a true friend. They should feel comfortable telling you they couldn’t swing a birthday present this year. No one should get butt-hurt if they didn’t get a “Merry Christmas” text. Seriously, friendships aren’t supposed to be transactional!

You guys should always be chill and give each other the benefit of the doubt. Leave the pressure at the door and take advantage of the present time you have with your friend. Oh, and be sure to listen to The Ultimate Adult Friendship Episode of House Guest With Kenzie Elizabeth for more tips on making the most of your time with your friends.

You’ve gotta put yourself out there.

Making Friends in Your Twenties (and beyond) is hard. But if you’re not willing to take a risk by stepping outside of your comfort zone, it’s practically impossible. Just listen to this episode of Twenty Whatever about picking up those friendship green and red flags, so you can attract the right people to your social circle. 

Putting yourself out there and being open to new friends and different experiences can literally change your life for the better. Just like when you were a kid making friends on the playground! Friendships are just as important in adulthood as they were when we were little.

You’re allowed to change.

Whether you’re dealing with a treasured childhood friendship or someone you met last month, don’t feel like you can’t evolve and level up in life. You’re not the same person you were as a teenager. Hell, you may not even be the same person you were last year! Change doesn’t equal a death-sentence for friendships, especially not good ones.

This episode of Oddvice tells us tons of rules for making and maintaining friendships—and making space for growth is one of them. Instead of shying away from it, welcome it with open arms!

Don’t feel like it has to be all or nothing.

As much as we’d all love to hangout with our besties all day, every day, it’s just not realistic. Adult friendships thrive on respecting each other’s busy schedules and picking things back up like no time has passed.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t have to be an “all or nothing” ordeal. Consistency is key, and it matters sooooo much more than frequency. Wouldn’t you rather have one high-quality hangout a month instead of five rushed, sh*tty ones?

If you’re unsure on how to navigate this new terrain, tune into this episode of She’s so Lucky for solid advice on the topic.

Never ever forget to tell your friends you love them.

Celebrating friendship is IMPORTANT, and it goes a long way. There’s seriously never a wrong time to tell your friends you love them, to hype them up, and to remind them that you care. You know the phrase “give people their flowers while they’re still here”? Yeah, that applies to friendships, too.

You don’t need a reason to celebrate your friends. Text them words of affirmation, send over flowers, meet up for coffee one random morning—whatever fits their vibe! Just remember that showing up for the people you love is important. Listen to this episode of Conversations with Cam to see what we mean.

You can (and should) make friends as an adult.

It’s so easy to feel like by the time you hit a certain age, you’ve made all the friends you can make. And let us be the first to tell you, that isn’t true in the slightest. You can vibe with someone no matter your age, where you’re at in life, or what your goals are. You just have to get past the small talk and form real connections!

If you feel stuck on how to get started, we have a whoooleee list of resources just for you. Check out these posts:

• How to Make Friends in Your 30s
• How to Make Friends in a New City
• Making Friends in Your 20s
• How to Make Mom Friends and Build Your Mom Squad
• How to Make Friends With Social Anxiety and Find Your Tribe

As you navigate adulthood, don’t forget what true friendship should look like.

Making and maintaining friendships as an adult may look and feel harder than it once did, but it isn’t impossible! Things change, people change, and circumstances change—but your friends will always be there to ground you, remind you that you’re loved, and show up when it matters the most. When you look at what adults forget about friendship, it’s that it takes just as much intention, vulnerability, and time as it did when you were younger… but isn’t that the beauty of it all?

Check out the Dear Media blog for anything from the latest pop culture updates to essential relationship advice. And, don’t forget to check out the DM shop for tons of must-have products! This “ILYSM” card is the perfect way to remind your friends that you love them and support them always.