As Lindsey Metselaar from We Met At Acme said it best, we need to talk about sex. Yup, straight out of the gate with it. When people think of a healthy relationship, it’s not like it magically appears out of thin air—it’s built. And the couples who go the distance are the ones who nurture that connection on PURPOSE. Emotional intimacy, good communication, relationship ABCs, and, YES, sex!

Don’t get us wrong, sex obviously isn’t the only thing that matters in a relationship. “Cry Your Way to Health” from Coming In Hot even talked about the power of different types of intimacy! There are soooo many ways to nurture your relationship. But is sex one of them? 100%. 

So, let’s talk about it. We recently discussed WHY sex is important, but we didn’t talk about how big (or small) an impact it can have on a relationship. We’ll start with the benefits of sex in a relationship, talk about why it matters, and then we’ll talk frequency. Consider this the sex talk you never got, Dear Media style.

How Important Is Sex in a Relationship? Let’s Talk Intimacy 

Everyone views relationship satisfaction differently. “Why You Don’t Feel Loved Unless He Says It” from Almost Adulting, for example, touched on the love languages and words of affirmation. (Because yes, both are SUPER important!) 

But “What Drives You? Leadership, Libido, & The Inner Spark with Dr. Christina Rahm” from Uncut and Uncensored took a different approach. They touched on the idea that when someone says they’re celibate and don’t miss sex? They’re lying—it’s that important. So… what really matters?

According to experts, there are tons of benefits of sex, including better self-image and happiness, bonding, and relationship satisfaction. One study even pointed out that sex is closely related to a better emotional connection, mutual understanding, resilience, and emotional closeness. 

But wait—we haven’t even touched on the health benefits yet! Which, get ready, because it’s fascinating. Experts say that couples who have regular sex benefit from improved immune system function, lower blood pressure, lower stress levels, and a reduced risk of “cardiovascular events.” 

TL;DR? Sex boosts physical and mental health—doctor-approved. 

Why Is Sex Important in a Relationship?

Physical Intimacy Builds Emotional Safety

Let’s start with the obvious. Physical intimacy isn’t just about the act of having sex—it’s also about feeling safe, seen, and connected. You’re essentially telling your nervous system that it’s okay to slow down and relax. Just listen to “The Energetics of Sex & Intimacy” from The Wellness Process!

It’s a quiet kind of closeness that makes partners actually feel safe with each other. And emotionally anchored, and reassured, and cared for—really, the benefits are endless. Of course, those feelings can exist in any healthy relationship; sex just amplifies that.

Speaking of feeling cool, calm, and collected, check out our post: “How to Relax During Sex.”

Strengthens Relationship Bonding Hormones

Every touch, kiss, hug, or cuddle triggers a literal hormonal response. Think of it as lighting up the path for oxytocin and dopamine—two hormones linked to love, trust, and attachment. AKA, the “bonding” hormones! 

This is actually what “Arthur Brooks on the Science of Happiness, Emotional Well-Being, & Setting Boundaries for a Better Life” from The Bossticks touches on. Add sex into the mix, and suddenly you’ve put a megaphone on those emotions, reinforcing bonds and strengthening the relationship.

Want another fun tip? Sex releases vasopressin, which links back to bonding and protection instincts in men. Violet Benson tells us more about it in her episode, “How Men Fall in Love – A Step by Step Guide.”

Keeps the Romantic Spark Alive

There are plenty of ways to keep the spark alive in a relationship—increasing intimacy is definitely one of them. That chemistry won’t maintain itself! Aside from the emotional bonding, sex reignites desire, compassion, and a renewed sense of appreciation. 

Most importantly? It emphasizes that “I choose you, again, and again, and again” reassurance. Plus, when both couples are really into the moment, the effort speaks for itself. In relationships, especially long-term ones, those little signs make all the difference.

Deepens Vulnerability and Emotional Openness

Sex IS vulnerable—we didn’t need to tell you that. But when it comes to healthy relationships, vulnerability is non-negotiable. It’s SO important to create an intimate space where you can share fears, desires, fantasies, and preferences. That alone helps you and your partner feel more connected and comfortable.

That’s not the only benefit, though. Vulnerability instantly breaks down emotional walls—ones you probably didn’t even realize were there. From there, it becomes sooo much easier to share feelings and needs—both inside and outside of the bedroom. 

Wanna learn more about why this is so important? Tune into “Gabrielle Union on Embracing Vulnerability, Moving Through Creative Blocks, and No Longer Going 50/50” from She’s So Lucky!

Helps Your Partner Feel Desired

The feeling of being wanted is a love language itself, and sexual frequency? Yeah, it tells you plenty. In this case, don’t think of sex as just doing the deed. Think of it as complimenting each other, flirting, kissing, touching—all the little things that lead up to the moment. 

You’re not just having sex to do it, high-fiving after, and moving on with your day. (Not EVERY time, at least.) You’re also doing it to prioritize pleasure, foster closeness, and create a deeper connection. Plus, the post- sex “afterglow?” Worth it. 

Enhances Communication (Without Saying Much)

Sometimes, the best kind of communication is the kind that doesn’t say anything at all. Sex is its own language—from body cues to mutual comfort levels. You and your partner are essentially teaching each other how to become in tune with each other’s needs. 

And honestly, that really does matter. You don’t want to tell someone what to do, how to do it, or when to do it. It’s much more enjoyable when you’re in the moment—not teaching a step-by-step course on how to turn you on. 

Speaking of do’s and don’ts… tune into “The Secret Guide to Better Sex with Sex Therapist Couple Vanessa + Xander Marin” from Come Together. You’re welcome in advance. 

Builds Consistency in Intimacy

The frequency of sex really can matter. When you’re trying to work on consistency in your relationship, sex can play a huge role in this. Yeah, of course, it’s about pleasure. But ultimately, it’s also about creating a baseline of closeness that helps couples stay aligned. 

Even if you have to have a conversation about it—asking for sex isn’t “awkward” or “embarrassing.” It’s saying, “Hey, I feel like there’s a disconnect in our relationship. What if sex can help make things feel steady, comfortable, and emotionally regulated?” 

If you’re still feeling iffy, just listen to “How Often Are Couples Really Having Sex?” from Girls Gotta Eat.

Can Improve Overall Relationship Satisfaction

When the intimacy is good, the benefits include better moods, fewer petty arguments, and an overall easier relationship. Basically, it’s the cheat code behind that cliché “happy wife, happy life” line. 

In “Let’s Talk Sex!” from Well with Arielle Lorre, she even dives into how empowering sex can be. Of course, just like with all of the other benefits we’ve mentioned, there are other ways to improve relationship satisfaction. But it’s an easier, more exciting way to strengthen bonds, build deeper connections, and increase satisfaction—for both parties. 

Chance to Have Fun and Explore Together

Sex. is. fun. That’s all there is to it. And, TBH, it should be fun! You and your partner have a chance to explore, experiment, and bond beyond pillow talk. Those shared moments strengthen the connection just as much as the intimacy itself. 

We have the perfect lighthearted take on this benefit. Just listen to “Does Size Really Matter?” from Pretty Basic. The duo invites on Dr. Cory Penderson and Amanda Champion to talk about all things orgasms, myths, taboos, and intimacy. Also, here’s a few other helpful resources for ya, check out… 

• Shame Free Tools for Better Sex
• Best Sex Podcasts
• Exploring the Ins and Outs of Female Pleasure

How Often Should You Have Sex in a Healthy Relationship?

Now that you’ve seen the receipts, it’s clear how much sex impacts connection, closeness, and how you feel in your relationship. Here’s the next question, though: How often should you be having sex? The real answer is… There is no answer. 

Sex drive plays a major role in the amount of sex someone has. Some couples are in their “round two?” phase, and others are in their “see you next month!” era. And, honestly, research on this topic is sooo diverse. So while we won’t give you a clear-cut “you need to be having sex three times a week” response, we will give you the stats. 

According to research, people from 18 to 29 have sex 112 times per year. (AKA, twice a week.) Then, naturally, those numbers drop with age. For those in their 30s? It’s about 86 times per year. People 40 t0 49? It’s around 69 times per year. Then, by 60, that number slides down to about 20 times per year.

So, ultimately, you define what a healthy sex life feels and looks like! However, if your sex drive is off the charts and your partner’s isn’t? That’s when it’s time to sit down, have a discussion on sexual satisfaction, and reevaluate. But that’s a post for another day!

Until then, listen to “How Often Should I Be Doing It?” from Live From Bed. OH, and tell us! How often do YOU think people should be having sex in a healthy relationship? Once a week? Once a month? Let us know in the comments! We’d love to chat about it.

If you weren’t convinced before, consider this your sign that sex matters. 

Is sex what MAKES a relationship? No, of course not. There are a million other moving parts that keep a couple connected. But can sex make a relationship better? Absolutely. The emotional connection, intimacy, communication, vulnerability—everything that sex offers, relationships thrive on. So, spice up your vanilla sex, grab your partner, and go grow that relationship.

Want more relationship tips and love life advice? Head to the Dear Media blog! From bettering yourself to bettering your relationship, we have all the info you could ever need. And if we don’t, you can bet one of our incredible podcast hosts does! Tune in daily for new episodes, unfiltered hot takes, and advice you’d never find on paper. 
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