Yellow flags in relationships, red flags on dating apps, green flags in marriages—how many flags are there? It can feel confusing, we know. And while the lingo feels trendy, the message behind it points something super important: patterns help you understand the health and direction of a relationship. Didn’t expect it to be this deep, did you?
Carla Bezanson from Don’t Think gave us our dating checklists—which you can learn about in “RIP to My Terrible Dating Decisions.” And then We Met At Acme‘s Lindsey Metselaar helped us figure out if our dating program’s too strict. But what about yellow flags? Are they total relationship dealbreakers? Or are they just… something to keep an eye on?
That’s exactly what we’re here to help you with. In this post, we’ll tell you which yellow flags in a relationship are worth your attention. The more you know, the better you can protect your peace, find a relationship that aligns with your standards, and build a relationship that actually feels good to be in.
10 Yellow Flags in a Relationship You NEED to Know
This isn’t the first time we’ve talked relationship flags. In fact, we’ve posted everything from “What Is a Beige Flag?” to “Social Media Red Flags.” Needless to say, if there’s anywhere you want to look for advice and information? It’s the Dear Media community. And, of course, our incredible hosts. Where else could you find episodes like “When to Leave a Relationship, Adding More Spice into Your Life, Confidence in Dating, & Learning to Trust?“
Anyways. Understanding what a yellow flag means can help you more than you might think. Being able to recognize yellow flags means also being able to spot potential warning signs in your relationship, which is just as important as knowing the signs of healthy relationships. Remember, we want to see you WIN! So we’d hate to see you miss the signs that are right in front of you.
Soooo, with all that said, it’s time to dig deep and talk about what we mean when we say “yellow flag.” We’ll tell you what yellow flags are, what they mean for your relationship, and easy ways to spot them. We’ll also talk about all of the different flags you may notice—and why they matter.
Yellow Flag Meaning in a Relationship
Think about what a yellow light means in regard to driving. You probably came up with the words “caution” or “slow down,” right? Yellow flags in a relationship carry the same meaning. They are things you should probably keep an eye on, but they aren’t necessarily deal breakers that suggest you need to break up with the person immediately.
Yellow flags are subjective, and not necessarily good or bad. But you definitely want to keep an eye on them in case they turn red. Speaking of… how many flags are there in a relationship? Let’s take a look.
How Many Flags Are There in Relationships?
If we’re being totally real? There are a handful of flags in relationships. Some are serious dealbreakers, like Kristin Cavallari discusses in “Life Is a Mirror.” (Looking at you, narcissistic partners.) Others are like… okay, this isn’t great, but it’s worth a discussion. Here are the different flags in a relationship and how you can spot them:
Red Flags
Relationship red flags are warning signs that demonstrate unhealthy, toxic, or potentially unsafe dynamics. Think of it like, the worst of the worst you don’t want to deal with in a relationship. And, of course, our Dear Media podcast hosts have an episode for every circumstance.
- Dealing with codependency? Listen to “What Is Healthy Dependency in a Relationship and How Do We Find It? with Nedra Tawwab” from Girls Gotta Eat.
- We wrote an entire post about how to know if someone’s a sociopath—definitely worth the read.
- This throwback episode from We Met At Acme, “Trigger Warning: Signs Your Relationship May Be Abusive,” is so incredibly insightful. And it’s worth tuning into if you have questions or concerns regarding this.
- While Kenzie from House Guest talked about finding the right person with Nora Dekeyser, they also covered topics like controlling behavior—yet another red flag.
Remember that driving analogy we used earlier? When you see a red light, that’s full-stop. Keep this same mindset in regard to red flags. These are behaviors, actions, or treatment that makes you reconsider your worth, your value, or your importance.
Orange Flags
Consider orange flags a step before red flags and a step after yellow flags. These are more like… if you want to have a conversation, you could possibly change things. But also, if you wanted to leave? You wouldn’t be blamed for it. Think: a lack of commitment, behavioral issues, inconsistent communication, or minor jealousy issues. They’re not total warning signs, but they may be eventually.
Speaking of jealousy, listen to “This Mindset Shift Will Free You From Comparison Anxiety” from Dear Gabby! Or, better yet, send it to your partner. Maybe this shift is exactly what your relationship needs!
Green Flags
Green flags in a relationship are healthy, positive behaviors, traits, and actions that demonstrate a mutually respectful partnership. These are the things that you think of when you’re piecing together your dream partner. This means respecting boundaries, communicating effectively, validating (reasonable) emotions, and supporting your independence. Your partner should feel like a breath of fresh air—not like a gas mask.
What Are Yellow Flags in a Relationship?
No Experience with Long-term Relationships
Everyone has a first, and if that happens to be you, don’t be alarmed! However, just be aware that their lack of experience with long-term relationships means there will probably be a learning curve. It’s up to you to decide whether it’s too steep for you to handle.
Very Small Friend Group (or No Other Friends at All)
Are they just super selective about who they get close to or do they have some deep-rooted issues that prevent them from maintaining healthy relationships? If your significant other has very few or no friends at all, you would do well to find out why.
Not Close to Their Family Members
The same goes for their relationship with family members. If they’re not close to any of them, even their parents, there might be something problematic to be aware of. This is especially the case if you are super close to your own family members. But remember, don’t jump to conclusions. Their relationship with their family could have been ruined by something entirely outside of their control. Talk to them about it!
And if they need, here’s the perfect resource: “Family Boundaries = Freedom: How We Found Peace in the Chaos” from Coming In Hot.
They Move Fast
We’ve all heard someone say they “just knew” when they met the right person. And sure, many people have maintained long, healthy relationships that moved quickly in the beginning. But this isn’t always the case. If the person you are dating prefers to go 60 mph while you’re coasting at a steady 35, it could create problems down the road.
Unemployed or Lack of Career Prospects
There will always be exceptions, but if your beau is unemployed or stuck in a low-level or entry-level position that is well below their skills, this could be a yellow flag. Unless they are still in school, on temporary medical leave, or they are a contract worker, you should probably start paying attention to the factors at play. Do they have a legitimate reason to be where they are career-wise, or are they actually just lazy and unmotivated?
Lots of Debt
It’s important to openly communicate about finances if you see a future with the person you are dating. Debt in itself isn’t a red flag, but it’s definitely not a green flag either. Tons of people have debt and it’s not all bad. But it depends on how they came into it and how they’re addressing it.
If you’re craving even more insight here, listen to The Bossticks episode as Mrs. Dow Jones talks all things savings, investments, and expenditures.
Trash Talking Their Ex
Ugh, this is totally one of our biggest pet peeves. Unless, of course, their ex really is THAT awful. This isn’t a total deal-breaker, but it does make you wonder if their ex actually deserves what’s being said about them. Not to mention, what would they say about you if y’all’s relationship goes south? Definitely something to think about.
Inconsistent Communication
We’re not saying that your partner has to drop everything they’re doing to respond to your every call and text. Then we may be leaning into codependent territory. But if they’re super inconsistent with their communication? Definitely a yellow flag. Maybe they’re busy—and we get that! That said, you should definitely be a priority, and their communication style shouldn’t make you question that.
Need help getting there? Listen to “How to Move Beyond Small Talk: Building Closer Connections with Kate Terentieva” from With Whit!
Hesitant to Define the Relationship
There’s a TOTAL difference between private-but-not-secret relationships, and relationships where it literally feels like your partner’s trying to make it look like they’re single. If you feel like you’re the one constantly asking to go out on dates, appear in IG stories, or meet their friends? It’s time to have a serious chat. Nonetheless, you never deserve to hidden from the world—especially if it’s not something you signed up for.
Lack of Effort in Planning
You should never be the one planning all the dates, outings, and time together. If your partner isn’t putting in any of the work, it may not be a big deal now, but it’ll start to weight on you later. Your partner should WANT to plan things to show you how special you are. And if they’re dropping the ball? Total yellow flag. Remember: it doesn’t have to be anything super elaborate. It can literally be as a simple as a pizza and movie date at home. The effort is what matters here.
Slow Down If You See These Dating Yellow Flags
Mixed Signals
One day, they’re totally into you, and the next, it’s like you’re strangers. Mixed signals can totally mess with your confidence, security, and self-perception. And if they’re playing games? It may be a silent sign that those yellow flags are actually red—they’re just in hiding. Find someone who means what they say and says what they mean. If they want to see you, they need to prove it. If you’re important to them, they should show that! You deserve the world—not someone who makes you guess their intentions.
Listen to “Manifesting a Partner Into Your Space ft. Nate Berkus!” He talks all about prioritization, mixed signals, and what keeps a connection strong.
Emotionally Unavailable Behavior
We all go through low periods. It’s natural, normal, and totally expected. However, even when your partner isn’t in the best headspace, they shouldn’t consistently appear emotionally unavailable. Because when you’re on the other end, you’re left asking questions like… “Did I do something wrong?” “Is it something I said?” “Was I acting a certain way?” And that uncertainty is never fair.
However, it could also be hinting to something much deeper than emotional unavailability. Listen to “Thais Gibson: How Attachment Styles Shape Our Relationships” from The Squeeze to learn more!
Not Fully Over Their Past
You can never enjoy your present if you’re stuck on your past. Did you read that correctly? We’ll say it again. You can never truly appreciate your present and what you have NOW, if you’re stuck on who you were and what you had then. (Technically, we’re talking to your yellow flag-filled partner here, but you get it.) If your beau’s always bringing up should haves, could haves, and would haves, or frequently harping on what their did or didn’t do for them? It’s time to encourage them to drop it—or you’ll drop them.
Read: “Stop Ruminating on What You Can’t Control. Here’s How to Live an Unbothered Life.” It’s exactly what your relationship needs in moments like this.
What to Look For in a Relationship
Now that we’ve told you what to avoid, how do you know what to look for? We’re here to tell you, of course.
Consistent Communication
When we say “consistent communication,” of course, we mean they should be prioritizing talking to you. However, it’s not always about how often you talk. Sometimes, it’s about WHAT you talk about. If conversations always feel surface level, you’re never gonna really get to know each other. Prioritize deep conversations. Make sure to talk about the things that matter. This is key to building a healthy, sustainable relationship.
If you need somewhere to start, check out “Vulnerable Questions to Ask Your Partner.” There’s seriously no better way to break that surface level ice.
Mutual Effort
BOTH partners should be putting in effort. And that can look different for every relationship! If you’ve been dating for years, maybe this dynamic shows up in household chores. You wash the dishes, they do the laundry. If you just recently started dating, maybe this appears more like them planning a date one weekend, and you planning the date the next. You should both be putting in equal effort—regardless of if that effort shows up differently.
Trust and Transparency
The amount of trust—and transparency—a relationship has, the better. This impacts literally everything, from how much you can trust your partner’s words to how secure and supported you feel in the relationship overall. That means no second-guessing if they meant what they said, no wondering what they’re actually doing when they’re out with their friends, and no pondering of where you fall in their rank of priorities. It just SOUNDS relieving, doesn’t it?
Wanna continue this conversation? Listen to the Joey Graziadei episode of We Met At Acme.
Knowing the yellow flags in your relationship can make it easier to know if it will last.
We get it—having a record of flags can feel exhausting. Is their communication style red or green? Was the way they responded a total yellow flag? Here’s an easy way to keep up: make sure you feel valued, loved, prioritized, and understood. Everything is will fall in line. And now that you DO know what yellow flags in a relationship looks like, you can approach your dynamic more aware, more impartial, and more balanced.
For more info on flags in relationships, check out our post on bedroom red flags. Then, head over to the blog for tons more fabulous posts just like this one! And, of course, make sure you tune into our wonderful line-up of Dear Media podcast hosts! (Where do you think we get all of this excellent advice—and juicy gossip?)
Trending Products
Suggested Articles
